The Proposal
by KrazyReRe23
Summary: The Proposal with Ryan Reynolds & Sandra Bullock. Well now its time to read it in a CLOIS perspective. This story is just like the movie w/way more details and a lot of Clark & Lois. ONE-SHOT/Complete/ Based off the MOVIE/Script-Format. M- for lang/themes


**THE CLOIS PROPOSAL**

Re-Written by

KrazyReRe23: So this story is just like the movie. It's in Script format. This is my version of The Proposal I do not own Smallville nor this movie. I hope you enjoy it. Please leave a review if you like it. If this is liked, I think I'm going to start making a lot of Clois version movies. So don't be shy leave a comment.

**FADE IN: **

**LOIS'S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING**

The sun peeks over the horizon. There's a stunning view of

Central Park from this apartment, but whoever lives here isn't

watching.

As we wander through expensive furniture, a steady THUMP, THUMP,

THUMP echoes through the apartment. Eventually, we see Lois LANE

(27) running on a treadmill, watching "The O.C." on Tivo,

and reading a manuscript.

She sprints as the clock on her treadmill goes to zero. As she

hits a button to stop the treadmill...

**WOMAN'S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING**

A hand knocks an alarm clock off a table to shut it up. CLARK

KENT (24) wakes up on pink sheets and looks around to figure

out where he is. There are multiple framed pictures of the same

model on the walls.

Clark looks at the clock and gets up quickly when he sees it is

6:16 AM. Unfortunately for him, he is very hung over.

**CLARK**

Where are my clothes?

A blob beneath the sheets next to him answers. SIMONE is the

model on the walls and is really, really hot.

**SIMONE**

In the kitchen. I think. Can I make you

some coffee?

**CLARK**

Sorry, I gotta go. I'm late.

Clark hurries to the kitchen. Socks are on the butcher block

next to an empty champagne bottle. Shoes in the sink. He finds

his pants on the floor and puts them on.

CLARK (cont'd)

Have you seen my belt?

Simone looks around and sees it tied to her headboard.

**SIMONE**

In here.

She unties the complicated knot. Clark comes back half

dressed. He swallows a little throwup.

**CLARK**

Baby, I just can't do this anymore.

**LOIS'S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING**

Lois puts on a black suit jacket. Definitely not off the

rack. She makes sure she looks perfect in the mirror, and moves

off.

**I WOMAN'S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING**

Reflected in the mirror above Simone's bed, Clark hurriedly

gets dressed as he talks.

**CLARK**

You're just too much for me. And I'm just

another guy too wrapped up in his job.

**SIMONE**

Fine. Whatever. Just go.

Clark sits down on the bed and locks eyes with Simone.

**CLARK**

Let's not end it like that. It's been an

amazing three and a half weeks. Thanks you.

And you should know that you have the nicest

ass I've ever been with.

**SIMONE**

**(TOUCHED)**

You mean it?

**CLARK**

I do. It's magnificent.

**SIMONE**

I work really hard on it.

**CLARK**

I know you do.

Simone smiles and begins to seductively pull the sheets off her

naked body. Clark shakes his head "no" and smiles.

CLARK (cont'd)

I really gotta go.

**LOIS'S KITCHEN - EARLY MORNING**

CRUNCH. Lois eats a bowl of Kashi and soy milk while

standing and reading a manuscript. Her eyes remain glued to her

reading as she rinses out her bowl and puts it in the dishwasher.

Her apartment is very quiet.

**NEW YORK STREET - MORNING**

HONK! A cab blares its horn at Clark as he runs across the

street. His suit is rumpled and he checks his watch.

**LOIS'S LOBBY - MORNING**

DING! The elevator opens and Lois strides towards the exit

and the DOORMAN (60). Before Lois gets to the door, her CELL

PHONE RINGS. She checks the caller ID and excitedly points at

her phone as she lets it ring.

**LOIS**

(to phone)

I knew you would call! Now come on, tell me

what I want to hear. Give it to me.

**DOORMAN**

You have to put it by your mouth so people

can hear you.

**LOIS**

You should get paid extra for being so darn

funny.

Lois straightens her jacket, answers the phone, and walks out

the door.

LOIS (cont'd)

This is Lois.

**SKYSCRAPER LOBBY - MORNING**

Clark bursts into the skyscraper and runs into a Starbucks.

**STARBUCKS - MORNING - CONTINUOUS**

Two coffees lie in wait for Clark. LUTESSA, a lovely Barista,

smiles as he hurries to the counter.

**LUTESSA**

You're running late today.

**CLARK**

Lutessa, you are the best.

**LUTESSA**

If you think I'm good at this, you should

use that coffee cup sometime.

As he runs out the door, Clark glances at his cup and smiles at

Lutessa's name and phone number written in Sharpie.

**CLARK**

See ya tomorrow.

**SKYSCRAPER LOBBY - MORNING - CONTINUOUS**

The elevator doors ahead of Clark begin to close.

**CLARK**

Mercifully, a hand reaches out and stops the doors. Inside the

packed elevator, Clark's CO-WORKERS look sleepy. One

particularly frustrated co-worker confronts Clark.

**CO-WORKER #1**

How long is she gonna make us come in by

seven?

**CLARK**

She doesn't exactly consult with me on these

things.

**CO-WORKER #1**

Well this sucks ass.

**CLARK**

Welcome to my nightmare.

The doors close as...

**NEW YORK STREET - MORNING**

Lois crosses the street and talks on the phone.

**LOIS**

You've been thinking about our talk because

I'm right. Everyone does publicity. Roth,

McCourt, Russo. Hell, Chabon practically

whores himself. Know what they have in

common? A Pulitzer.

(off answer)

Yes, I know you haven't done it in twenty

years, but that's how long it's been since

you've written a book this good.

**ROYCE PUBLISHING - MORNING**

Clark bursts out of the elevator and passes a clock reading

6:56 and a sign that announces "Royce Publishing." He hauls ass

through a sea of cubicles. Along the way, grumpy employees

begrudgingly nod their good mornings.

At his desk, he pulls a tie out of a drawer and puts it on

without looking in the mirror. Noticing his wrinkled suit, he

pulls out a SPRAY BOTTLE out of the same drawer, sprays it all

over his body, and then on his head to help mat down a tricky

cowlick. Satisfied, he hurries into a nearby corner office.

**SKYSCRAPER LOBBY - MORNING**

Lois walks into the lobby and continues talking. Employees

avoid her and pile into the elevator.

**LOIS**

I'm not pushing so you'll sell more books,

I'm pushing because it'll be a crime if the

world doesn't hear that you wrote a genius

piece of literature. Do the publicity.

Lois waits for an answer and smiles when she hears "yes."

LOIS (cont'd)

You're making the right decision! Great

news. Going into an elevator, think I'm

going to lose you...

Lois hangs up. Never give them a chance to change their

mind.

**LOIS'S OFFICE - MORNING**

Clark races to Lois's computer and turns it on. He picks

up papers strewn about the room. He goes back to the computer,

and opens computer programs.

**ROYCE PUBLISHING - RECEPTION - MORNING**

Lois exits the elevator and receives an enthusiastic...

**RECEPTIONIST**

Good morning!

Lois quickly walks by and gives only the slightest nod.

**ROYCE PUBLISHING - MORNING**

Lois walks through the cubicles and nods hello to her staff,

who all look busy on the phone. When she turns the corner, they

stop their "conversations" in mid sentence and hang up.

**LOIS'S OFFICE - MORNING**

Clark stares at the printer as a sheet of paper comes out. A

clock above the door reads 7:00 AM. The paper clears the printer

and Clark grabs it quickly.

**ROYCE PUBLISHING - MORNING**

Lois opens the door to her office, and finds Clark standing

at attention with papers in one hand and coffee in the other.

Her office looks perfect.

**CLARK**

You've got a conference call in thirty, a

staff meeting at nine, and your immigration

lawyer sent some papers for you to sign.

**LOIS**

Cancel the call, move the meeting to eight,

LOIS (cont'd)

(big news)

I got Oliver to do publicity.

**CLARK**

Nice job.

**LOIS**

When I want your praise, I'll ask for it.

Is Zod here?

**CLARK**

I'm sure. You want him on the phone?

**LOIS**

We're going to his office. Grab your pad.

Clark calmly backs out of the office...

**CLARK'S DESK - CONTINUOUS**

... but once he's out of Lois's sight he runs to his computer

and sends an instant message to the office "The Banshee is headed

to Zod's office."

**ROYCE PUBLISHING - MORNING**

As the message pops up on computers, the quiet office jumps to

life as everyone in a cubicle picks up their phone and resumes

their imaginary conversations.

**CLARK'S DESK - MORNING**

Lois comes out to Clark's desk. She notices his coffee cup

with Lutessa's number on it. She takes special notice of the

hearts decorating the cup.

**LOIS**

That's cute. You gonna call her today?

**CLARK**

What?

Clark doesn't know what Lois is talking about, until she

nods at the cup. He's embarrassed.

**LOIS**

Are you bored here? Do you need little

distractions like that to get you through

the day?

**CLARK**

Uh...

**LOIS**

You have another late night out?

**CLARK**

Lois starts walking. Clark quickly catches up, worried

because he doesn't know where she's going with this.

**LOIS**

I'm firing on all cylinders and you've got

hearts on your coffee cup, wicked bed head,

and a wrinkled suit that you wore yesterday.

**CLARK**

Oh. Well, it won't be wrinkled for long.

**LOIS**

You'll magically unwrinkle?

**CLARK**

Yes.

**LOIS**

You have magic pants?

**CLARK**

No. I've sprayed them with stuff that will

take care of the wrinkles.

**LOIS**

Does this work on more than just your pants?

**CLARK**

Anything that's wrinkled.

**LOIS**

Buy me some.

**CLARK**

Will do.

Clark makes a note. Lois stops to make her point.

**LOIS**

I don't care what or who you do on your own

time, but when you walk through that door

you represent me, and I will not have your

personal life affect you at work. If you

want me to think of promoting you to editor,

I need you sharp, focused and professional.

Got it?

**CLARK**

Got it.

**LOIS**

Great. Now you're just a prop in here, so

don't say a word.

**ZOD'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS**

Lois and Clark enter Zod's office, which is decorated with

beautiful antiques and first edition books. But unlike

Lois's office, this one isn't in the corner.

Lois nods at Clark to shut the door. ZOD (32) wears a prim

bow tie, circular tortoise shell glasses, and the air of

superiority.

**LOIS**

Hey, Zod.

**ZOD**

Ah. Our fearless leader and her liege.

Lois smiles.

**LOIS**

I'm lettin' you go, Zod.

**ZOD**

Pardon?

**LOIS**

You're fired.

**ZOD**

What? What are you talking about?

**LOIS**

This isn't working out.

**ZOD**

You can't...

**LOIS**

I asked you repeatedly to get Oliver to do

publicity. You said it was impossible.

**ZOD**

It is. He doesn't do publicity.

**LOIS**

I just talked to him. He's in.

**ZOD**

But...

**LOIS**

No more buts, Zod. I've been chief for a

month and a half, and this is the third time

you've dropped the ball. You didn't even

call to ask him.

**ZOD**

**(Speechless)**

**LOIS**

All you had to do to was pick up the phone.

That's it. Now I'll give you two months to

find a new job, and then you can say you

resigned. I won't tell a soul, my lips are

sealed.

Lois nods at Clark and he opens the door.

**ROYCE PUBLISHING - CONTINUOUS**

Lois and Clark walk a few steps. Lois looks straight

ahead and whispers to Clark.

**LOIS**

What's he doing?

Clark turns around and takes a peek. Zod gets out of his chair

and comes to his door.

**CLARK**

He's up and about to pop.

**LOIS**

Oh Zod, don't do it...

**ZOD**

**YOU POISONOUS BITCH! YOU CAN'T FIRE ME!**

The office stops. This is going to be good. Lois turns

around with a disappointed look on her face. She's deadly calm.

**LOIS**

What are you doing? I gave you a civilized

way out of this.

**ZOD**

This is because I'm your competition.

Because I threaten you!

**LOIS**

Oh, Zod. You could never threaten me. I'm

firing you because you're lazy, entitled and

incompetent. I'm firing you because you

don't work hard. So if you know what's good

for you, you'll shut up, take off that

ridiculous bow tie, find a bar and get

drunk. Because if you say one more word,

Clark here is going to call security and

have you thrown out on your ass. Are we

perfectly clear?

Zod nods.

**LOIS (cont'd)**

Good. Now I've got work to do, so if you'll be so kind the exit is that way. Lois quickly pointed. Lois and Clark walk away and speak in hushed tones.

**LOIS (cont'd)**

We need to call his authors and explain what

happened. And get Oliver's publicity

scheduled. Figure it out pronto.

**CLARK**

No problem. I'll just cancel my trip this

weekend.

**LOIS**

I gave you the weekend off?

**CLARK**

It was my Grandma's ninetieth birthday.

But no big deal. You were right before, I

need to stay focused. Professional.

**CLARK'S DESK - DAY**

Clark is on the phone with his mom explaining why he can't come

home this weekend. He sounds like an annoyed teenager.

**CLARK**

Well tell Annie that I'm sorry.

(waiting to speak)

Mom, she's making me work this weekend.

It's not like I volunteered.

(waiting to speak)

I'm sure dad is pissed.

Lois comes to Clark's desk. He tries to wrap it up.

CLARK (cont'd)

I have to go. Yeah. No, I'm not going to

do that! No. Sorta. Mom! No. Bye.

Clark hangs up the phone.

CLARK (cont'd)

Sorry about that. Damage control.

**LOIS**

She tell you to quit?

**CLARK**

No. No.

(off Lois's look)

Um. Yes? But as I've explained to them,

after three years together, you're the only

person on the planet who can make me editor,

so that's the way it is.

Clark's phone rings and he picks it up.

CLARK (cont'd)

Your 10:55 is here. Mr. Luthor?

**LOIS**

Who is this guy?

**CLARK**

He said you knew each other. You weren't

sure so you told me to set a meeting. We

rescheduled on him four times.

**LOIS**

Go get him. But he's out of here in five

minutes, we've got work to do.

Lois leaves and goes into her office.

**CLARK**

(to himself)

I'll charge up the cattle prod.

**LOIS'S OFFICE - DAY**

Lois reads as MR. LUTHOR (38) sits down. He's an intense

man in a bad suit. He sits in silence until Lois looks up.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Lois. Good to see you. I know how busy

you are. Congrats on the promotion. Read

about it in P-W.

**LOIS**

Yeah. Well, those announcements are silly,

aren't they? Like everyone who needs to

know doesn't know already.

Lois has been trying to figure out how she knows this man,

but now gives up.

LOIS (cont'd)

Have to admit, I can't place where we know

each other from.

Luthor smiles. He didn't expect her to remember.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Three years ago? We worked together.

**LOIS**

Don't have it...

**MR. LUTHOR**

Remember "Dandelion's Desire?"

Lois gets excited.

**LOIS**

Oh my God, you read that manuscript with me?

That book is legend. Without a doubt the

worst ever written.

**MR. LUTHOR**

You think?

**LOIS**

It was a fever dream! 900 offensive and

pointless pages, with like 30 characters,

who all had some weird disability. The

paraplegic pornographer, and the stuttering

scientist? Oh! And there was the asthmatic

alien chapter - written entirely in his

alien language.

**MR. LUTHOR**

I believe there was a glossary...

Lois laughs, caught up in the memory.

**LOIS**

Did you see the pass letter I wrote him?

**MR. LUTHOR**

**(QUOTING)**

"Your grammar is impeccable, but please do

not confuse superior form with writing

ability. Save your skills for the office

newsletter, you sir, are no writer."

A beat. Lois says matter of fact...

**LOIS**

You wrote the book.

**MR. LUTHOR**

I did.

**LOIS**

You're Lex Dickens?

**MR. LUTHOR**

One of my nom de plumes.

Luthor paces. Lois stays seated, at a loss.

**LOIS**

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. You

obviously were spending a lot of time

writing, I just thought you should channel

all that passion into something else.

Luthor smiles as he pulls a BADGE from his coat pocket.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Ms. Lane, I'm with U.S. Citizenship and

Immigration Services, and I'm deporting you

to Canada.

**LOIS**

Excuse me? What? This is a mistake. I've

lived here since 1981. I'm applying for

citizenship.

**MR. LUTHOR**

You need citizenship now? After the big

promotion?

**LOIS**

Yes. And all the papers are in.

Luthor pulls out a stack of papers and throws them down.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Well, my office is going to reject your

paperwork on Monday, while we investigate

whether your behavior is well disposed to

the good order and happiness of the United

States. We must protect our sovereignty.

**LOIS**

I'm a threat to the sovereignty of the

United States?

**MR. LUTHOR**

Yes, and unfortunately my investigation will

take awhile, so you'll be deported while

your case winds through the system.

(as if he doesn't know)

Will it affect you at work if you aren't

allowed to enter the U.S. for the next two

to three years?

**LOIS**

"Affect me at work?" I'll lose my job!

**MR. LUTHOR**

(mock sympathy)

Ahhhh. That's a shame. Too bad we can't

work something out.

Lois stops looking at her file. It all becomes clear.

**LOIS**

Oh, no. No, no, no. I won't do it.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Do what, Ms. Lane?

**LOIS**

Luthor smiles. She's quick.

**MR. LUTHOR**

I've edited it down. It's better.

**LOIS**

Well then, get it published at another

house.

**MR. LUTHOR**

They all just don't get me.

**LOIS**

All?

**MR. LUTHOR**

Well not all. Two hundred fifty, two

hundred sixty-one. Ish.

**LOIS**

I'll be fired and laughed out of the

industry if I publish that book.

**MR. LUTHOR**

I'm at the end of my rope, Ms. Lane. I'm

an author. Not some bureaucrat who brings a

lunchable to work everyday and lives in his

brother's garage. You're the last stop, and

I'm desperate.

**LOIS**

I will never publish your book. Ever.

**MR. LUTHOR**

There's no need to make this difficult. I

don't turn in your file until Monday...

**LOIS**

This is blackmail. I'll go to your boss.

**MR. LUTHOR**

I've spent two years preparing for this day.

Don't you think I've thought of that?

Now Lois is pacing, while Luthor happily looks on.

Suddenly, the door opens and Clark bursts in, acting like there

is an "emergency" so Lois can end the meeting.

**CLARK**

Excuse me, Ms. Lane, risk management needs

you right away.

The sight of Clark inspires Lois. She turns to Luthor

with a wicked grin on her face.

**LOIS**

Know what, Lex? I'm not going anywhere!

We're getting married!

Clark has no idea what Lois is talking about.

**CLARK**

Who's getting married?

**LOIS**

We are!

**CLARK**

You and him?

**LOIS**

Stop playing around, honey.

Lois is all smiles. Clark is very confused.

LOIS (cont'd)

Mr. Luthor is from the INS. I told him

about us. About us getting married.

**MR. LUTHOR**

You are marrying your male secretary?

**CLARK**

Assistant.

**MR. LUTHOR**

You are marrying your male assistant?

**LOIS**

(matter of fact)

We're in love. We tried to fight it. When

it's right, it's right.

**MR. LUTHOR**

And this has nothing to do with my visit

here today?

**LOIS**

Nope. True love. Got it bad.

**MR. LUTHOR**

(to Clark)

You. Is this true? Are you marrying

this... woman?

Lois comes over to Clark and holds his hand.

**LOIS**

Of course we are.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Painfully long beat where Clark doesn't answer. Lois

squeezes Clark's hand hard.

**CLARK**

Uh-huh.

Lois smiles and snuggles up to Clark so he can put his arm

around her. Clark is truly afraid.

CLARK (cont'd)

(more of a question)

I'm, uh, marrying my boss?

Lois turns and puckers her lips to let Clark know that

she's ready for a kiss. The two slowly begin to come together.

Just as their dry lips are about to touch, Clark chickens out

and kisses the hair on the top of her head.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Five years in prison and a two hundred and

fifty thousand dollar fine.

**LOIS**

What?

**MR. LUTHOR**

If I prove you're lying, you go to federal

prison for five years.

Luthor takes out a pad and takes notes.

MR. LUTHOR (cont'd)

(to Clark)

You. Do you know what you're getting

yourself into? We're going to put you in a

room and ask you every detail that a real

couple would know about each other. Do you

even know her favorite color?

Clark doesn't answer. Lois encourages him on with a thinly

veiled threat.

**LOIS**

C'mon. Answer. You don't have a choice.

Clark doesn't want to do this, but relents.

**CLARK**

Plum.

**MR. LUTHOR**

You mean purple?

**CLARK**

No. Plum is "smokier" than purple.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Favorite flower?

**CLARK**

Tulips. But only when they're in season.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Childhood pet name?

**CLARK**

Miss Mittens.

**LOIS**

Are we done here?

**MR. LUTHOR**

Who knows you're getting married?

Lois interrupts.

**LOIS**

No one. With us working together we decided

it would be too much of a scandal if anyone

knew.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Have you at least told your family?

**LOIS**

**(EXCITED)**

My parents are dead!

**MR. LUTHOR**

How convenient. So you're not telling

anyone that you are getting married?

**CLARK**

Nope.

Luthor smiles and puts down his pad.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Pathetic. Four questions and I've got

enough to send you to prison...

**LOIS**

We're telling his family this weekend.

**CLARK**

We are?

**LOIS**

Yes. We are. We're surprising them...

(trying to remember)

...at his Grandma's 90th birthday party.

**MR. LUTHOR**

And where's that going to be?

**LOIS**

(no idea)

At Clark's parent's house.

**MR. LUTHOR**

And where's that located?

**LOIS**

(still no idea)

In his hometown.

**CLARK**

Sitka.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Is that on Long Island?

Only Clark has the answer. Lois tries to cover.

**LOIS**

Why don't you tell him?

**CLARK**

Alaska.

**MR. LUTHOR**

You're going to Alaska this weekend?

**LOIS**

(Alaska?)

Yes. Of course we're going to Alaska.

That's where Clark is from.

Luthor begins to walk around. He's getting worked up.

**MR. LUTHOR**

You think you can beat me with this B-S

story? Forcing your secretary...

**CLARK**

Assistant.

**MR. LUTHOR**

...assistant to marry you and then

conveniently telling his family for the

first time this weekend?

**LOIS**

I'm sorry, Lex. Did you not prepare for

that?

Lois puts her arm around Clark and waits in silence.

Enraged, but with no recourse for now, Luthor checks his

appointment book and writes down some information.

**MR. LUTHOR**

The INS will see you both in ten days for

your official interview. Your stories

better match up on every account.

Mr. Luthor gets right up in Lois's face as he gives her

the piece of paper.

MR. LUTHOR (cont'd)

Cross all your T's and dot your I's with

this ruse, Ms. Lane.

**LOIS**

There are no "T's" or "I's" in "Love" Mr.

Luthor.

Luthor leaves and shuts the door hard. Lois goes back to

her desk like this is all in a days work.

LOIS (cont'd)

Why are you from Alaska? Sweet Jesus,

that's inconvenient. So here's what's going

to happen. We'll play boyfriend and

girlfriend this weekend for your parents and

that should be enough for this INS

interview.

Clark doesn't react. Lois doesn't notice.

LOIS (cont'd)

So you need to figure out the travel,

schedule a justice of the peace for next

week, and get my lawyer on the phone.

Lois takes a sip of her coffee and makes a face.

LOIS (cont'd)

But first, run down and get me another

coffee from your girlfriend, this is cold.

Lois holds out her coffee cup. Clark doesn't move.

LOIS (cont'd)

Hello? Clark? Clark!

Clark says his first words since Luthor left.

**CLARK**

I quit.

Clark leaves Lois's office. She still has her coffee cup

outstretched in her hand.

**ROYCE PUBLISHING - CONTINUOUS**

Clark powers through the office. Co-workers take notice that

Lois is following him.

**LOIS**

Clark, come back here.

Lois tries not to make a scene.

LOIS (cont'd)

Clark. Clark.

Clark pushes the elevator button in front of reception.

LOIS (cont'd)

Come back to the office!

Clark can't take it. He gets up in Lois's face.

**CLARK**

You shut up. You just lost your "I get to

tell Clark what to do" privileges.

**LOIS**

Well, we need to talk.

**CLARK**

You want to talk with me? Fine. Grab your

broom and let's go.

Lois is dumbstruck. The receptionist is shocked. The

elevator arrives and Clark gets in. Lois follows. As the

doors close, Clark shouts out to the receptionist.

CLARK (cont'd)

Watch my phones!

**CENTRAL PARK - DAY**

Clark and Lois walk in silence through the park. Clark

finally speaks.

**CLARK**

Your plan is psychotic.

**LOIS**

Well I'd rather poke my eyes out than play

pretend girlfriend, but this is the big

time. Sometimes you need to sack up.

**CLARK**

Aren't Canadians supposed to be nice?

**LOIS**

You wanna be an editor? You need me.

**CLARK**

OK. Fine. Then if we "make this happen"?

You're promoting me to editor.

**LOIS**

I'm doing what?

**CLARK**

We go to Alaska and lie to my family? I

risk going to jail? Well, you're making me

editor for that. I mean, did you think I'd

do this out of the kindness of my heart?

**LOIS**

You work for me!

**CLARK**

You know, during my employee orientation,

the HR rep didn't mention anything about me

marrying you.

**LOIS**

Look, I came to this town alone and with

nothing. I've worked my ass off for

years and this guy wants to ruin me because

he wrote the shittiest book of all time? No

way.

**CLARK**

Nice story Little Orphan Annie, but that

sounds like your problem. Not mine.

Lois is stuck. Clark really does have the upper hand.

**LOIS**

Fine. You take me to Alaska this weekend,

and I'll make you editor. Deal?

Lois puts out her hand to shake, Clark takes it.

LOIS (cont'd)

And I'm not sleeping on your parent's hide-a-way

bed, we're staying in a hotel. Do they even

have hotels in Alaska?

**CLARK**

No. But they have huts. Teepees really.

And you have to poop in a bucket. But

otherwise, just like the Four Seasons. But

with bears.

**PLANE TO SEATTLE - DAY**

A commercial jet TAKES OFF and leaves New York City behind.

**PLANE TO SEATTLE - DAY**

Clark and Lois sit in First Class and work on their lap

tops. Clark looks up.

**CLARK**

Um. Shouldn't we talk about what we're

going to say to my parents?

Lois doesn't look up, annoyed with the question.

**LOIS**

Are you done with the press release?

**CLARK**

Almost.

**LOIS**

**(PATRONIZING)**

Well let's finish big people business before

mommy and daddy talk. Okay?

Dejected, Clark goes back to work.

**SEATTLE AIRPORT - DAY**

As they change planes in Seattle, Lois walks quickly and

talks on the phone. Still the assistant, Clark lags behind,

weighed down by both their bags.

Up ahead at the gate, a GATE ATTENDANT (Female, 50's) ANNOUNCES

final boarding to Sitka. Lois gets off her phone.

**LOIS**

So what do I need to know up there? Bullet

points.

**CLARK**

I told 'em we've been dating for six months.

We've kept it a secret from everyone...

(under his breath)

...and that you're a naughty minx in the

sack.

Clark and Lois make it to the attendant at the gate.

Lois is not amused by Clark's attempt at humor.

**LOIS**

**(VENOMOUS)**

Don't make me hate you.

Lois hands her boarding pass to the attendant and breezes

through. The attendant gives Clark a look.

**CLARK**

Bringing her home to meet my folks. She's a real catch.

Tangled in the bags, Clark struggles to find his boarding pass.

The impatient attendant is getting frustrated.

CLARK (cont'd)

I've got it here. Sorry. Guess I'm a

little flustered too. Haven't been home for

awhile, hope they like her!

The gate attendant smiles.

**GATE ATTENDANT**

(heard it all)

I don't care, sir.

Clark finds his boarding pass and hands it over.

**CLARK**

OK then. You're a sweet lady. Thanks.

Clark hustles to the plane as they shut the doors.

**PLANE TO ALASKA - DAY**

Lois takes her seat and sits next to a well dressed HANDSOME

MAN who is READING A BOOK. She notices the title and he catches

her stare. Lois explains.

**LOIS**

I'm sorry, I hate it when people stare at

what I'm reading. It's just... I worked on

that book.

**HANDSOME MAN**

You wrote it?

**LOIS**

Edited it. It was one of my favorites.

**HANDSOME MAN**

Well you did a good job. It's great.

**LOIS**

You don't see many guys with that book.

You, uh, read a lot of love stories about

Roman concubines?

**HANDSOME MAN**

My ex-girlfriend gave it to me. I travel a

lot for work. I'll read anything...

**LOIS**

**(SUSPICIOUS)**

Ex-girlfriend, huh?

**HANDSOME MAN**

(smiling, embarrassed)

OK, you got me. I'm a closet romantic. But

let's keep that between us.

Lois smiles and makes the "my lips are sealed" motion. Just

then, Clark lumbers onto the plane with the bags.

**LOIS**

There you are. Give me my lap top.

Clark untangles the bags and gives Lois her computer bag.

**CLARK**

(re: book)

Hey, he's reading...

**LOIS**

I know, Clark.

Clark turns around and puts the bags in the overhead

compartment. The Handsome Man turns to Lois.

**HANDSOME MAN**

Did you two want to sit together?

**LOIS**

Sit together with who?

The Handsome man nods at Clark.

**HANDSOME MAN**

Your boyfriend?

Lois points to Clark indignantly.

**LOIS**

You mean him?

The Handsome man nods. Lois tries to set the record

straight.

LOIS (cont'd)

No. No. No. He's my assistant.

**HANDSOME MAN**

You're bringing your assistant all the way

to Alaska?

Clark smiles, happy that Lois has to answer.

**CLARK**

Oh, you can tell him the truth.

**LOIS**

Well, he's... indispensable.

The Handsome man isn't buying it.

LOIS (cont'd)

And gay. Takes care of me everywhere I go.

Call him my queen mother. Aren't you my

indispensable gay queen mother?

Lois shoots Clark a nasty look. He has to go along.

**CLARK**

That's me.

Clark turns to close the overhead compartment.

**HANDSOME MAN**

You're awfully nice to fly him first class.

Lois nods her head and agrees. It sucks to be Clark.

**AERIAL OF SITKA - DAY**

We see the natural beauty of South Eastern Alaska. Sitka is an

island the size of Maui. Only an eight mile stretch of coast is

inhabited, the rest is complete wilderness. At the center of the

island is a mountain with smaller hills around it. The coast is

dotted with fishing boats. Gorgeous.

**JETWAY - DAY**

Lois and the Handsome Man chat like old friends while they

walk off the plane. Clark follows with all the bags. As they

all walk out of the jetway they see...

**AIRPORT - DAY - CONTINUOUS**

A big banner that reads: CONGRATULATIONS CLARK AND LOIS!

with wedding bells and a graphic showing the journey from New

York to Sitka. The banner is being held up by a group of 30

PEOPLE with excited looks on their faces.

Clark's mom MARTHA (60) is front and center. She's a sweet

lady who cooked Clark a hot breakfast every morning until he

left the house.

GRANDMA ANNIE (89) also waits. She's lived a long time and

doesn't have a lot of time to screw around.

When they see Clark, they SCREAM. Lois's face drops.

**ALL**

There he is! Where's Lois?

Clark blanches white. Lois looks back with eyes that say

"What the hell is going on?"

**HANDSOME MAN**

(noting banner)

That's sweet.

Clark goes over to the group. Lois keeps walking.

**CLARK**

What are you guys doing here? What's with

the sign?

**MARTHA**

So you're "just dating," huh? I can't

believe you didn't tell us!

**CLARK**

Didn't tell you what?

**ANNIE**

We're not saying anything until you let us

meet Lois. Now, where's our girl?

Clark looks around. Lois keeps her head down and tries to

avoid eye contact.

**CLARK**

Uh. Lois? You need to come over here.

Like now. Honey.

The Handsome Man sees Clark with the banner people, calling for

Lois to come over. Lois winces.

**LOIS**

I have to go now.

**HANDSOME MAN**

(putting it together)

What kind of sick shit is this?

Lois nods. This would be a tough one to explain.

**LOIS**

Have a great life.

Lois walks toward the group. Clark puts out his hand and

silently pleads for Lois to hold it. At the last second, she

takes it.

**CLARK**

Everyone, this is Lois.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

It's nice to meet you. Now, do you prefer

being called Lois, or the Mad Dog Lane?

We've heard it both ways.

Everyone laughs.

**MARTHA**

Annnie!

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

It's not like he hasn't told her that he

used to call her the Mad Dog Lane. They're

getting married.

**CLARK**

(real "casual")

Now, ah, where did you hear that? The whole

"getting married" thing?

**MARTHA**

Oh, that man from the government. Lu-

something. Said he was checking up on you

two. Said it was technicality, because

Lois was from Canada.

**CLARK**

What, ah, did you tell him?

**MARTHA**

Well for one thing, that you were in a lot

of trouble for not telling us that you two

were getting married!

**CLARK**

No. Really. What did you say?

**MARTHA**

Just that you were coming up here this

weekend. That we hadn't seen you in a

while, and that we'd heard about Lois

for years, but that we'd never met her.

Martha turns to Lois and takes both of her hands.

MARTHA (cont'd)

The way that Clark talked about you? I'll

admit, I didn't see this coming.

**LOIS**

Me neither.

Martha picks up some of the bags and starts walking toward the

exit. Everyone else follows her lead.

**ON THE MOVE**

**MARTHA**

So why all the silly secrecy?

**CLARK**

It wasn't a secret. We didn't tell anyone.

**MARTHA**

Well, is your family just anyone?

**CLARK**

No, I didn't mean...

**MARTHA**

I should be mad at you two. But, but... I'm

just so excited!

**LOIS**

(re: group)

Uh, is everyone coming to our hotel?

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Oh, we cancelled your reservation. You're

part of the family now. Family doesn't

stay at a hotel. Also, we've got another

little surprise for you two.

**LOIS**

Surprise? Another surprise?

**CLARK**

She's not good with surprises.

**LOIS**

I'm really not good with surprises.

**SITKA AIRPORT - DAY - CONTINUOUS**

Martha stops. Sitka Airport is very small, so they are already

outside by all the cars parked in the loading zone.

Martha and Annie excitedly look at each other.

**MARTHA**

Well you two...

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

...you're getting married this weekend!

**LOIS (Together) CLARK**

What? What?

**GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)**

The whole kit and caboodle.

Lois gives both these women a look that says "what are you

talking about?"

**MARTHA**

When Lu-something told us you were

getting married...

...we decided to give you a wedding.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Engagement party tonight...

**MARTHA**

...and the wedding tomorrow at midnight.

Martha and Annie wait to see what Lois thinks.

**LOIS**

Are you witches?

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Just quaint. During the solstice it's good

luck. It's an Alaskan thing.

**MARTHA**

We've planned everything.

Lois isn't sold, so Grandma Annie goes for the clincher.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

I'm old, Lois. I don't have much time

left. Clark lives so far away, and I

never see him. Now I find out he's getting

married, and I have a chance to see my one

grandchild's wedding day. It's a dream come

true for me. A dream come true. Please let

me see Clark get married before I die.

Please.

Long beat. Clark doesn't know what Lois is going to say.

Lois doesn't know what Lois is going to say. Finally,

she goes to speak, but can only get out... two big thumbs up.

The crowd cheers.

**SITKA - DAY**

A procession of cars makes its way through town.

**PICKUP - DAY**

Martha and Grandma sit in the front of the truck, all smiles.

Lois and Clark sit as far away from each other as possible

in the backseat of the extended cab.

Lois tries to get Clark's attention, but he's looking out

the window. Finally she pinches him and Clark jumps. He gives

Lois a "what did you do that for" look.

**LOIS**

**(MOUTHING)**

The Mad Dog Lane!

Clark shrugs.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

To tell you the truth, we had a lot of the

plans made already for my birthday. Just a

few changes here and there, and we made this

weekend a wedding.

Lois stares at Clark.

**LOIS**

I'm a lucky woman.

Lois does her best to smile.

**DOCK - DAY**

The cars park in a lot in the middle of nowhere, near a small

dock. Everyone gets out of the cars and starts walking to the

ocean. Lois is confused.

**LOIS**

I'm not getting out of this car until you

tell me where we're going.

**CLARK**

Come on, it'll be OK. I promise.

Clark points to a small island about a mile away.

**YACHT - DAY**

Everyone rides on a 75 foot yacht. Lots of polished wood and

chrome. Someone passes out beers on board, and the mood is

festive. Lois takes a look around at the surreal scene.

**LOIS**

Who are you people?

Clark lets Lois wonder.

**KENT DOCK - DAY**

The ship docks and we get our first glimpse of the Kent Estate.

It sits above the rest of the wooded island and is as tasteful as

a 15 bedroom Alaskan mansion can be.

Clark's father, JONATHAN (60) waits on the dock. He is a bear

**JONATHAN**

So you must be Lois. We've heard a lot

about you. All of it bad.

Lois tentatively walks off the yacht in her none to practical

sling backs.

JONATHAN (cont'd)

I mean, I almost shit myself when I heard he

was marrying the devil woman.

**LOIS**

I thought it was the Mad Dog Lane?

**JONATHAN**

Either way.

**CLARK**

Hey dad.

Clark shakes his father's hand. It's a little stiff.

**JONATHAN**

Welcome home. Good to see ya.

**CLARK**

You too.

**JONATHAN**

Been a while.

**CLARK**

Yeah. You'd think you could make it to the

airport to mark the occasion.

Grandma Annie interrupts.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Help him with the bags Jonathan.

(to Clark and Lois)

Let's get you two settled.

As Clark and Lois move towards the house, Annie shoots

Jonathan a look that says "be nice".

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

The house is decked out in sheik Alaskan decor. Somehow, it

makes bear heads and deer antlers look good. Everything is first

class. Lois is a little awe struck.

**MARTHA**

We'll show you around later.

**LOIS**

Uh huh.

Out of nowhere, a small HUSKY PUPPY startles Lois and jumps

on her.

**MARTHA**

Shelby! Down! No!

Martha pulls the dog off of Lois and pushes him toward the

kitchen. Lois tries to take it in stride and make small

talk.

**LOIS**

What a great name. Shelby is adorable but too bad I'm allergic.

**MARTHA**

Oh. Well, this Shelby's is bathed in specialized shampoo so his fur won't bother you.

Martha bends over to pet the dog. The dogs sheds like crazy.

Not understanding, Lois looks over at Shelby.

MARTHA (cont'd)

No one on the island wanted him when he was

born. We figured he deserved a home. He sheds more than the normal dog does.

**JONATHAN**

And don't let him outside, or the eagles

will snatch him up.

**CLARK**

C'mon dad...

**JONATHAN**

I mean it. They come out of that

rehabilitation center mean. And hungry.

**CLARK**

Don't listen to him, Lois.

**KENT ESTATE UPSTAIRS - DAY**

Martha opens a door for Clark and Lois.

**MARTHA**

You'll be sleeping here.

**LOIS'S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS**

The room is beautiful, right out of Architectural Digest.

**MARTHA**

Bathroom is there, all the towels are in the

armoire by the bed. Just let me know if you need anything.

**LOIS**

Thanks you. Where's Clark's room?

**MARTHA**

Oh, we took down his "shrine" years ago.

And don't worry, I'm under no illusion that

you two haven't slept in the same bed

before. Clark can sleep here too.

**LOIS**

Oh, let's not upset Grandma Annie.

**MARTHA**

It was her idea. Anything to help get her a

great grandchild.

Clark shrugs his shoulders behind his mother.

**LOIS**

Great. You know, I've gotten used to his

breathing at night.

**MARTHA**

I thought so dear.

Martha leaves and shuts the door. Lois reverts back to her

old self.

**LOIS**

I'm about 15 seconds from bitch.

**CLARK**

Calm down.

**LOIS**

What is going on here?

**CLARK**

Hell if I know.

**LOIS**

You had no idea they knew about us getting

married?

**CLARK**

You think I'd bring you here if I did?

**LOIS**

Well, we just gotta tell em.

**CLARK**

Tell them what?

**LOIS**

Tell them the truth. About us.

**CLARK**

Wrong answer. No way.

**LOIS**

What do you mean no way? This is crazy.

**CLARK**

No, crazy was lying to the federal officer.

**LOIS**

Well I don't like this.

**CLARK**

Well I'm not making my Annie an accomplice

to a Class C felony! For one second could

you not be so selfish?

**LOIS**

Selfish?

**CLARK**

Yeah, you know, that thing you do where you

only worry about yourself every second of

every day?

**LOIS**

How is it selfish to tell the truth?

**CLARK**

Look. We're awful, awful people. In the

last forty eight hours, we've lied to...

everyone. We need to protect the people

downstairs. We can't ask these good,

decent, not awful people to lie for us.

Let's keep the darkside to ourselves.

Lois takes a second to make up her mind.

**LOIS**

Fine. But if we do this, you need to stop

lying to me.

**CLARK**

What've I lied to you about?

**LOIS**

Why did you tell me that you were poor?

**CLARK**

I never said that.

**LOIS**

Well, you never told me you were rich.

**CLARK**

When does that come up?

**LOIS**

I don't know, how about, "Hi, my name is

Clark, I'm an Alaskan titan of industry."

**CLARK**

Well, maybe I didn't tell you because you

would have fired me if you knew.

**LOIS**

No I wouldn't.

**CLARK**

Come on! You're always yammering on about

your scrappy childhood, and how you fought

for those soccer scholarships, and how the

rich kids made fun of you in prep school for

working in the kitchen. You're totally anti-

rich.

**LOIS**

I'm not anti-rich.

**CLARK**

Oh yes you are! And you know what makes it

worse? You have money!

**LOIS**

I earned...

**CLARK**

...every penny I have. Blah, blah, blah.

You need new material.

**LOIS**

Hey. Watch it. You're still my assistant.

**CLARK**

You were going to promote me anyway.

**LOIS**

Sure of that?

**CLARK**

Nope. Not at all.

Lois takes a look at herself in the mirror.

**LOIS**

Well, come on. If we're going to do this,

we might as well put on a show.

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

Downstairs, the engagement party is in full swing. The starched

wait staff stands out in the crowd, because the raucous party-

goers are all dressed in flannel, T-shirts and baseball hats.

Ponytails rule for the women, and almost all the men have shaggy

hair and beards. No dress code here.

Like the house, the party is first class. Ice sculptures melt,

champagne is served on silver trays, and the buffet overflows

with salmon and king crab.

Lois works the crowd like a pro and holds court with some

WELL WISHERS, Clark's parents, and Shelby.

**LOIS**

I went to Union college in upstate New York.

It's a small liberal arts school that no one

has ever heard of.

Clark comes to the group and hands Lois a drink.

LOIS (cont'd)

(looks at glass)

Lime?

**CLARK**

Be right back.

Clark leaves to fetch lime wedges. Jonathan elbows Martha in

the side, "What was that?"

**WELL WISHER #1**

How long have you been with your company?

**LOIS**

Since I graduated college.

Clark comes back with the lime. Lois takes it and doesn't

say Thanks you.

**CLARK**

She's been there since she was nineteen.

**JONATHAN**

Nineteen? Wow. That's how long?

**LOIS**

Oh, who's counting...

Jonathan could let it go, but wants to push her.

**JONATHAN**

No. How many years is that? Exactly.

Lois gives Jonathan the slightest look.

**LOIS**

Well, let me see. That would be six or

seven years. Exactly.

**JONATHAN**

I was never good with big numbers. That

makes you... twenty six now?

**LOIS**

Just turned twenty seven. Born on May 20th.

I'm a Taurus.

Jonathan and Lois give each other a smile.

LOIS (cont'd)

(to Clark)

I need some protein.

**CLARK**

There's some salmon.

Lois shakes her head no.

CLARK (cont'd)

Crab?

Lois nods yes. Clark steps away to find a waiter.

Jonathan watches his son do Lois's bidding.

**JONATHAN**

Keep him on a short leash, huh? Does he

roll over when you whistle?

Martha hits Jonathan.

**MARTHA**

He's just being a good host.

Clark comes right back with a waiter in tow. For Jonathan's

benefit, Lois makes a point to Thanks Clark.

**LOIS**

Thanks you, honey. You're being so sweet.

Clark is surprised, but remembers they're a couple.

**CLARK**

Uh, sure. Honey.

**WELL WISHER #2**

So you just got some big promotion?

**LOIS**

I'm editor in chief, now.

Clark tenderly puts his arm around Lois.

**CLARK**

**(BEAMING)**

I'm so proud of my girl.

From behind them, a melodic, etherial VOICE interrupts.

**VOICE (O.S.)**

Editor in chief? You're marrying up,

Clark.

Everyone turns around to find CHLOE SULLIVAN (26). She is

Grace Kelly in Patagonia and Timberland. Adding insult to

injury, she doesn't have eyeliner on.

**CLARK**

Chlo!

Clark snaps his arm back, hitting Lois in the head, and

spilling her tonic water on her shirt. He doesn't notice what

he's done, and leaves Lois. She's peeved.

CLARK (cont'd)

**(FLUSTERED)**

What are you? What are you doing here?

**CHLOE**

Your dad made me come.

**CLARK**

From Chicago?

Chloe laughs. The group watches these two see each for the

first time in years. There is instant chemistry, and Clark has

forgotten about Lois completely.

**CHLOE**

No. I live here now.

**CLARK**

You what?

**CHLOE**

I moved back about six months ago. I'm

teaching second grade. At Baranof.

**CLARK**

Did your husband move up here too?

**CHLOE**

Uh, no. I, ah, got divorced.

**CLARK**

Oh my God. I'm sorry.

**CHLOE**

Me too. But hey, we're being rude, I wanna

meet the bride.

Chloe leaves Clark and goes to Lois.

CHLOE (cont'd)

Hi, I'm Chloe. But call me Chlo.

**LOIS**

You're Chloe?

**CHLOE**

You're Lois?

**LOIS**

It's nice to meet you.

**JONATHAN**

Chlo and Clark were quite the item in high

school.

Chloe instantly dismisses Jonathan's reminiscence.

**CHLOE**

Oh Please. Ancient history.

**JONATHAN**

Feels like yesterday to me.

**CHLOE**

(ignoring Jonathan)

So tell me everything. I hear it wasn't

exactly love at first sight?

**LOIS**

Not exactly...

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Now Clark, what I want to know is how you

proposed.

This grabs the group's full attention. Everyone loves to hear a

story like this.

**CLARK**

Well...

Clark hasn't recovered from seeing Chloe.

CLARK (cont'd)

Uh, uh, um, I...

**JONATHAN**

Yeah. How did you pop the question?

Clark is a deer in the headlights. This is getting ugly.

Lois sees that Clark is going to crumble, and steps in.

**LOIS**

Can I tell this one, honey?

**CLARK**

Uh. Sure.

**LOIS**

I'm an early, early riser and go for a run

everyday. Well, it was our six month

anniversary and I was out for my normal jog

in the park, when who do I see in a horse

drawn carriage, wearing a tux, and waiting

for me halfway through my run? Clark! So

I ran up to the carriage and asked him what

was going on, and he put his finger to his

lips and says, "shhhh." So there I am in my

jogging clothes, next to the most handsome

mute in the world - have you seen him in a

tux? - riding like a sweaty princess and

smiling ear to ear. Couple minutes later,

we arrive at Tavern on the Green. Best

part, we're the only people in the place

because Clark got them to open up early.

Well, we go to our table, sit down, and just

as the sun starts to peek above the trees,

this beautiful man gets down on one knee,

and says "I didn't want one more sunrise to

go by without you knowing that you are the

light of my life, and that I would be the

luckiest man in the world if you would be my

wife. Lois Joanne Lane, will you marry

me?"

The group is silent, waiting for the clincher.

LOIS (cont'd)

I said yes.

The group gives a collective "ahh". Grandma Annie takes both

Lois and Clark by the hand.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

You are a good boy Clark, and you make me

very proud. I love you Clarkie.

**CLARK**

I love you too, Grandma.

Grandma hugs the couple. Everyone smiles except Jonathan and

Chloe.

**JONATHAN**

So did this happen before or after the INS

agent came sniffing around?

**MARTHA**

What is wrong with you? I'm sorry Lois.

Lois doesn't miss a beat.

**LOIS**

Oh please. I'd wonder too. Honestly, my

lawyers have been dealing with all of this.

When you told us at the airport it was the

first time I'd heard about it. I'm so

embarrassed.

**MARTHA**

Don't be, dear. Jonathan's just an ass.

While Martha apologizes, Lois gives Clark a little wink

that says "I've got this under control". The moment is

interrupted when Clark pulls out a RINGING CELL PHONE. He

takes a step back and answers quietly so no one can hear.

**CLARK**

Lois Lane's phone.

(off answer)

One second please.

Clark comes back to the group and hands Lois the phone.

CLARK (cont'd)

It's our friend, Oliver.

Clark's tone let's Lois know there's a problem.

**LOIS**

Excuse me, I'll just be a second.

Lois takes the phone and exits out French glass doors that

lead to the backyard. She leaves the door open, and doesn't

notice Shelby follow her outside.

**KENT BACKYARD - DAY - CONTINUOUS**

Lois goes far from the house so no one can hear. Shelby

follows her all the way, but Lois doesn't see him.

**LOIS**

Don't be a cliche, Oliver. Don't be the

wishy washy writer who changes his mind

every two seconds.

Lois notices Shelby, but ignores him. The dog starts YAPPING

to get attention. She walks away, but Shelby continues barking.

Annoyed, she gets down face to face with the puppy and puts the

phone against her chest so Oliver doesn't hear.

LOIS (cont'd)

(to Shelby)

Sit and be quiet!

Shelby sits and pouts. Lois walks away and puts the phone

back to her ear.

LOIS (cont'd)

I fired Zod because he didn't have your best

interest in mind. Our job is to help you

succeed. He wasn't doing that.

Lois continues to listen to her writer whine, when she

notices an EAGLE soaring in circles above her and Shelby. Not

sure what to think, she looks back at Shelby and sees him

peacefully sit in the grass.

She then looks up and sees that the eagle is gone. Lois

shakes her head, looks back at Shelby when -

WHOOSH! The eagle snatches Shelby by the scruff of the neck, and

takes off. Lois jumps.

There is no one to help, so she chases after the dog and eagle.

She stays calm on the phone.

LOIS (cont'd)

Could you hold on just a second?

With no other option, Lois throws her cell phone and hits the

eagle suspended 20 feet above her. The eagle drops Shelby and

Lois catches him. Shelby looks frightened.

Tucking Shelby away like a furry football, she runs to her phone

and picks it up.

LOIS (cont'd)

**(NONCHALANT)**

Sorry, dropped my phone.

Lois looks up and sees that the eagle has resumed flying in

circles above her. She decides to wrap up the call quick and get

back to the house.

LOIS (cont'd)

Oliver, I don't want to sell you on anything.

But know this. This book is your legacy...

Lois looks up and sees the eagle dive towards her and Shelby

again. She runs.

LOIS (cont'd)

... and-I-think-you-should-be-the-one-to

introduce-your-legacy-to-the-world. Call me-

tomorrow-with-your-decision. My-phone is-

always-on. Talk-to-you-soon.

The eagle bears down on them with talons out. Just as the eagle

is about to strike, Lois sticks out her hand with the phone

to fend back the eagle. To her surprise, the eagle grabs

Lois's phone and flies off. Lois freaks.

LOIS (cont'd)

Panicked, she takes Shelby in both hands and puts him up to the

eagle as an offering.

LOIS (cont'd)

Take the dog! Take the dog!

**KENT ESTATE**

Inside, the elegant party carries on.

**MARTHA**

Where's Lois? We need to go.

**CLARK**

Go where?

**MARTHA**

It's a surprise. Girls are going into town.

And the boys stay here. I told you, we've

planned everything.

**CLARK**

Um. She's outside.

Martha and Clark turn around and look out a picture window.

They see Lois running with Shelby above her head.

**MARTHA**

Oh that's sweet, she's playing with my

Shelby.

**KENT BACKYARD - DAY**

The eagle is long gone, but Lois is still running with the

dog trying to bait it back.

**LOIS**

This is a delicious dog, Mr. Eagle. C'mon,

bring back the phone.

Clark calls out from the house.

**CLARK**

What are you doing?

**LOIS**

The eagle took my phone!

**CLARK**

Are you drunk?

**LOIS**

Your dad was right! The eagle tried to take

the dog, so I saved it, then it came back

and took my phone.

**CLARK**

Did the dingo eat your baby, too?

**LOIS**

Oliver's going to call me on that phone. I

need it!

**CLARK**

Relax. I've got your information backed up

on the laptop. I'll just get you a new

phone and switch the number. No problem.

**LOIS**

Oh.

**CLARK**

Now come on. You're going somewhere with my

mom and the girls.

**LOIS**

I'm not going anywhere.

**CLARK**

You want a new phone? You're going.

**PIONEER BAR - DAY**

The Pioneer bar is a classic Alaskan bar, decorated with pictures

of every fishing vessel that has made Sitka its home.

But tonight estrogen rules, as all the patrons are women CHEERING

for an oiled, toned, and BEARDED MAN in a tiny thong who gyrates

to the beat of Prince's "Sexy Motherfucker." On stage with the

dancer, Lois tries to not look miserable in her NOVELTY

**BACHELORETTE PARTY WEDDING VEIL WITH DEVIL HORNS.**

**MARTHA**

Work it Wess!

**CHLOE**

Is that a salmon down your pants?

The room laughs as Wess works his crotch millimeters away from

Lois's face. Lois remains straight faced.

**LOIS**

Definitely not a salmon.

The women encourage Wess on as he moves Lois's hands to his

wiggling ass and gives her a feel. She can't help but give and

embarrassed smile. Finally, the song ends and Wess goes into the

splits. Thrilled, the room gives him a standing ovation.

Lois plays along and gives Wess a kiss on the cheek. She

begins to get off the stage, but Wess takes her by the hand.

**WESS**

Ah, ah, ah. I was just the warm up.

Wess sits Lois down, and blindfolds her with a scarf.

**LOIS**

What's going on?

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Just sit there dear.

**MC**

Don't be shy ladies, tip well and often,

show Wess how much you appreciate his

assets! And now... Jimmy!

The room goes silent as a middle aged JIMMY comes on to the

stage. He has a pot belly, threadbare thong and a thin mustache.

Jimmy's dance has a Latin theme to it, and he's very good at it.

Lois is oblivious.

**LOIS**

What's that smell?

Lois finally takes off her blindfold, and finds Jimmy about

an inch away from her face.

LOIS (cont'd)

(belly laugh)

Ahhh!

Lois falls out of her chair and her scream frightens Jimmy.

After the initial scare he composes himself and wags his finger

at her naughty behavior.

**JIMMY**

You are a naughty devil.

Jimmy goes to work another part of the stage, and when he turns,

Lois jumps off the stage and joins the ladies.

**LOIS**

Good lord.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Jimmy was the only male dancer on the

island for years. No one has the heart to

tell him to hang it up.

**LOIS**

Want me to do it?

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Wess you dear, but let's keep it our

secret.

**KENT ESTATE - SHORELINE - DAY**

Snow capped mountains watch 20 MEN in short sleeves hit golf

balls into the ocean. Green pontoon rafts Zod in the water, made

up to look like golf greens. Golf balls are stacked in pyramid

formations at every hitting area.

Clark comes down from the house to join the group. Jonathan

jokes with MR. JONES (60's, good natured) as they hit balls.

**JONATHAN**

...yeah, Martha found these eco-balls that

dissolve in the water.

**JONES**

How does she come up with this shit?

**JONATHAN**

She just does. I stopped trying to figure

out how.

Jonathan and Mr. Jones see Clark coming their way. Mr.

Jones yells at Clark like the old family friend he is.

**JONES**

**(JOKING)**

I'm mad at you, son!

**CLARK**

Why's that, Mr. Jones?

**JONES**

You fly up here and don't call me?

**CLARK**

Sorry about that.

**JONES**

What good is me owning an airline if I can't

give you free tickets?

**CLARK**

You're right. Don't know what I was

thinking...

**JONES**

Damn, straight. Don't let it happen again!

(hands Clark a golf club)

Here, you take over. This game is for

pussies, I'm getting a drink.

Mr. Jones leaves, and Clark and Jonathan are left alone with

one another for the first time. Things are awkward between

father and son, and Clark begins hitting balls to avoid

conversation. Jonathan finally makes small talk.

**JONATHAN**

Jones's stepping down in January. He's,

uh, handing things over to Corben.

Clark gives his dad a look. He knows where this is going.

**CLARK**

That's great for them.

**JONATHAN**

So. How's work with you?

**CLARK**

Good. Busy. You know.

**JONATHAN**

I do. I do. Hey, did I tell you that we're

opening a little office in Japan?

**CLARK**

Congratulations.

**JONATHAN**

We're not just a mom and pop operation

anymore. We're going global.

**CLARK**

Uh-huh.

Jonathan stops hitting golf balls for a second. He's been

thinking about this moment for a long time.

**JONATHAN**

I could really use your help.

**CLARK**

Dad. Please. I'm in New York. Lois's

in New York. We have jobs.

**JONATHAN**

I know. I know. It's just...

**CLARK**

**(CHALLENGING)**

It's just what?

**JONATHAN**

You're only a secretary.

This pisses Clark off immediately.

**CLARK**

Again with the secretary thing! I've told

you, I'm an assistant!

**JONATHAN**

Just because you call yourself an

"assistant" doesn't mean you're not really

just a secretary.

**CLARK**

Well if I'm "just a secretary", why would

you want me up here anyway? Sounds like

you're doing great without me.

**JONATHAN**

It's not like that and you know it.

**CLARK**

Then how is it? Explain it to me.

Jonathan looks around to see if anyone is listening.

**JONATHAN**

Last week, a man stuck his finger up my

butt...

**CLARK**

This man was a doctor?

**JONATHAN**

...and it got me thinking about you.

**CLARK**

I'm not sure this is coming out right.

**JONATHAN**

Just shut up for a second, okay? I want you

to have what I built. But I'm running out

of time to show you things.

**CLARK**

Stop being so dramatic.

**JONATHAN**

I'm not being...

(takes a hard line)

I need you to stop dicking around down there

and get serious.

**CLARK**

So this is all about what you want?

**JONATHAN**

That's not what I said.

**CLARK**

And me in New York with Lois? That

isn't serious?

**JONATHAN**

One day the woman is the Antichrist, and the

next day she's the love of your life? How

is that serious?

**CLARK**

Things change, dad.

**JONATHAN**

**(INDIGNANT)**

Things change?

**CLARK**

Things change.

**JONATHAN**

Things change?

**CLARK**

Yes. Things change.

**JONATHAN**

Things change. That's your explanation?

Know what I think? I think you banged your

boss and fell in love, that's what I think.

Some sorta mommy complex.

**CLARK**

Nice, dad. We gotta have these Cosby

moments more often. This is great.

Clark drops his club and walks back to the house.

**PIONEER BAR - DAY**

Lois steps outside to have a moment to herself. She's on a

patio overlooking the ocean. It is late, but the sun is hanging

just over the horizon.

**CHLOE**

They can be a little overwhelming, but

they're great people.

**LOIS**

What? I'm just working on my tan.

(off Chloe's look)

It's been a long day.

Lois looks inside and sees that the party is still raging.

**CHLOE**

Around the solstice they don't watch the

clock. Pretty much party til they fall

over.

**LOIS**

I guess I missed the memo.

**CHLOE**

I actually missed it when I was in the

states.

**LOIS**

Chicago, right?

**CHLOE**

Yeah. Since college.

**LOIS**

And now you're back?

**CHLOE**

Six months now. Call me crazy, but I love

it. Think I'm back for good.

**LOIS**

Really? I don't know. Don't you miss...

**CHLOE**

Neimans? Starbucks? Escalators?

Lois laughs. She likes this woman.

CHLOE (cont'd)

Yeah. I miss it. Believe me, growing up I

never thought I'd end up divorced and back

here teaching at my old elementary school.

That was always Clark's plan.

**LOIS**

For you to get divorced?

**CHLOE**

(smiles, remembering)

No. I was going to teach, he was going to

run his dad's business. He was like a

little old man. Had it all worked out.

**LOIS**

Are we talking about the same guy?

**CHLOE**

What do you mean?

**LOIS**

Well, Clark's such a player.

Chloe looks confused.

LOIS (cont'd)

I mean he was a total player. Before we

started dating. Six months ago.

**CHLOE**

Shocking…

**LOIS**

That surprises you?

**CHLOE**

Did he ever tell you why we broke up?

**LOIS**

We don't really talk much about stuff like

that.

**CHLOE**

Oh. Well I should shut up...

**LOIS**

No, no. Please. I mean, we are getting

married. I want to know these things.

Chloe looks down a little embarrassed.

**CHLOE**

He proposed to me. When we were seniors.

Lois laughs.

**LOIS**

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... He proposed

to you in high school?

**CHLOE**

He bought this sweet little ring, and got

down on his knee. It was so cute.

**LOIS**

You must have...

**CHLOE**

... freaked out? Oh you bet. I broke up

with him on the spot.

**LOIS**

I would hope so.

**CHLOE**

After getting rejected the first time, I

can't imagine how hard it was for him to get

up the courage to ask you.

Lois just smiles, feeling guilty about lying when Chloe is

being so honest with her.

CHLOE (cont'd)

Anyway. The idea that my little old man

could be a player... It's just not the

Clark I knew. Good thing you're making an

honest man of him again.

Chloe toasts Lois and knocks back the rest of her beer in

one swig. Lois purposely makes it a hard time finishing it off.

CHLOE (cont'd)

Well I'm empty. I'm going to go get

another. I think I hear Jimmy wrapping up,

let's get back to the girls.

**LOIS**

I'll be right in.

Lois smiles and turns to the ocean. Chloe goes inside.

Then, to herself, Lois silently whispers.

LOIS (cont'd)

We are awful people.

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

THWACK! An axe slams down and splits a log in two. Hands

quickly place another log down and THWACK! We pull back to find

Clark playing the role of executioner. He's still mad after

talking to his dad, and is taking it out on the firewood. Rage

Against the Machine plays on his iPod and he's in his own world.

Behind him, the girls return to the island on the family yacht.

Their mood is light, and they chat amongst themselves. Martha's

mood deflates when she sees Clark.

**MARTHA**

**(SHOUTING)**

Clark! Honey! Is everything OK?

With his back to the girls and the iPod on, Clark doesn't hear

or see the girls.

Annie shakes her head. Something is up.

**KENT ESTATE FAMILY ROOM - DAY**

Jonathan pets Shelby as he watches SportsCenter on a sixty inch

plasma television. The ladies arrive and Annie and Martha step

in front of the TV, blocking his view. Lois watches from the

door, not sure what is going on.

**JONATHAN**

Excuse me? I'm watching that.

**ANNIE**

Why is Clark chopping wood?

**MARTHA**

And don't play dumb. What did you do?

Jonathan is uncomfortable answering in front of Lois.

**JONATHAN**

Nothing. I didn't do anything... will you

please move.

The showdown intensifies. Lois excuses herself.

**LOIS**

I am so tired.

Shelby GROWLS when he hears Lois's voice. He's still mad.

Lois just smiles.

LOIS (cont'd)

Think I'm going to take a shower and clean

off Jimmy's bubble gum body oil. Thank Wess for

a great night.

Annie and Martha smile graciously and wish her good night. Once

she's gone, they turn their death stare back to Jonathan. He

looks genuinely unnerved.

**JONATHAN**

Stop looking at me like that!

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

Clark continues to listen to his iPod, and has worked up quite

a sweat. He's stacks the last log, takes off his soaked through

shirt, and gets a whiff of himself. Ew. He stinks.

**LOIS'S ROOM - DAY**

Lois walks into the private bathroom attached to her room and

shuts the door. We hear her turn on the shower.

**KENT ESTATE FAMILY ROOM - DAY**

Jonathan defends himself to Martha and Annie with great

conviction. Clark walks right by the fighting trio, but

doesn't notice anyone. He continues to listen to his iPod and

his attention is focused on the controls, as he looks for the

playlist "Songs I Shouldn't Like" and Charlene's hit "I've Been

to Paradise, But I Haven't Been to Me."

**LOIS'S ROOM - DAY**

**IN THE BATHROOM**

Lois turns off the shower, pulls back the curtain and reaches

for a towel. All she finds is a miniature un-absorbent decorative

hand towel. Shit.

**IN THE BEDROOM**

Clark enters the room smiling as Charlene sings "...I've been

undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't…"

**IN THE BATHROOM**

Lois's ears perk up. The bathroom is a disaster because she

has dripped water everywhere looking for a towel.

**LOIS**

Clark, is that you?

**IN THE BEDROOM**

Clark opens the armoire next to the bed and pulls out an

incredibly absorbent Egyptian cotton towel.

**IN THE BATHROOM**

Lois cracks the door open to see what the sound was. Clark

isn't there, but she sees the armoire open and the towels waiting

for her. How did she miss that?

**LOIS**

Clark, are you...

Then out of nowhere, Shelby (he followed Clark in) startles

Lois.

**SHELBY**

Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap!

Lois slips on the wet floor and falls on her ass. Her foot

kicks the door open as she retreats from the vengeful puppy.

**ON THE BEDROOM'S DECK**

Clark is oblivious as he hangs his wet clothes over a rail on

the deck attached to the room. He makes sure that no one is in

the yard, pulls down his shorts, and hangs them up as well.

**IN THE BATHROOM**

Naked, wet, and starting to get a little pissed off, Lois

manages to pull herself up by the toilet. She wants a towel

badly, but Shelby guards the doorway. She tries reason.

**LOIS**

I'm sorry bout the eagle. But I saved you.

Shelby won't listen to reason and barks angrily. Lois grabs

the ceramic top of the toilet tank to protect herself.

**ON THE BEDROOM DECK**

Clark calmly turns around and sees that the bathroom door is

open. That's weird.

**IN THE BATHROOM**

Lois holds the top of the toilet tank like a baseball bat,

ready to strike. Shelby will not be intimidated, and continues

to growl and not let her out of the bathroom. Lois knows

that she can't hit a dog, and looks for another way out. Then

she spots the bathroom mat.

**IN THE BEDROOM**

Clark saunters towards the bathroom, wearing only his iPod.

**IN THE BATHROOM**

Shelby puts a paw onto the bath mat.

Lois slowly puts back the toilet top.

Shelby gets to the center of the bath mat, and Lois pulls

hard, sliding the bath mat and Shelby to the back of the

bathroom. With Shelby out of the way, she runs out, closes the

door behind her and...

**IN THE BEDROOM**

WHAM! Lois crashes into Clark and they fall to the floor.

It takes a second for them to realize that they are holding each

other buck naked.

**LOIS (Together) CLARK**

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

The two quickly separate and spastically try to cover up. A

rapid fire back and forth ensues.

**LOIS CLARK**

Why are you naked? Why are you wet?

**LOIS CLARK**

Don't look at me! You tackled me!

**LOIS CLARK**

It was the dog! You're blaming the dog again?

**LOIS**

Will you just hand me a towel!

Clark looks for a towel, but forgets he's naked. When he looks

under the bed, Lois shrieks and covers her eyes..

LOIS (cont'd)

You're flashing brain!

Clark quickly changes positions. Out of desperation, he pulls

the entire comforter off the bed. He throws it Lois's way,

and she wraps herself in it.

LOIS (cont'd)

You can cover up any time!

Clark cups the beans and Olivers and backs up to his clothes by

the window.

LOIS (cont'd)

Explain yourself!

**CLARK**

I didn't know you were home! I was outside

chopping wood!

**LOIS**

You didn't hear me?

**CLARK**

I had my iPod on!

**(CONFUSED)**

Why did you jump me?

Clark reaches his clothes and pulls on his shorts.

**LOIS**

I didn't jump you.

(off Clark's look)

I didn't mean to jump you. I didn't know

you were here.

**CLARK**

You didn't see me?

**LOIS**

I was running from the dog!

Clark looks at Lois suspiciously.

**CLARK**

Wait. Were you tryin' to seduce me?

**LOIS**

Oh please! Don't flatter yourself.

**CLARK**

Mmm-Hmmm.

**LOIS**

Go take a shower. You stink.

**CLARK**

Fine. But don't come sneaking in there.

You're still my boss. That'd be sexual

harassment.

Clark goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. Lois takes

a breath, but is startled when the door suddenly opens back up

again. Clark has Shelby cradled in his arms and scratches his

neck. He gently puts him outside their room.

CLARK (cont'd)

There you go, buddy. Go on and play before

she makes a coat out of you.

Clark shuts the door and goes into the bathroom. Without

looking back, Clark gets the final shot.

CLARK (cont'd)

Puppy hater.

**LATER**

Clark grabs all the pillows, cushions and blankets he can find

to create himself makeshift bed on the floor.

Lois turns out the lights, leaving the room still bright with

the sun still shining outside. She gets into her bed.

**LOIS**

I'm never gonna to get to sleep.

Clark pushes a button and motorized metal blinds come down

outside the window. The sunlight is instantly blocked out and

the room is pitch black.

LOIS (cont'd)

Oh. Well. Thanks.

Clark settles into his pathetic excuse for a bed. The two

silently lie awake and stare at the dark ceiling.

**CLARK**

It was kinda weird seeing you naked.

**LOIS**

Can we not talk about this?

**CLARK**

I'm just saying. It was weird.

**LOIS**

It wasn't weird.

**CLARK**

How was that not weird?

**LOIS**

Because we're... like teammates.

**CLARK**

We're like teammates?

**LOIS**

We are teammates. And teammates see each

other naked in the locker room. All the

time. It's not a big deal.

**CLARK**

Well, if we're teammates can I sleep in the

bed?

**LOIS**

Good night, Clark.

The two lay awake in silence for another beat.

**CLARK**

Lois?

**LOIS**

Yes?

**CLARK**

Don't take this the wrong way.

**LOIS**

Okay...

**CLARK**

You're a very beautiful woman.

Lois smiles with her head turned away from Clark.

**LOIS**

Get some sleep Clark, big day tomorrow.

**KENT ESTATE - OFFICE - DAY**

Not a creature is stirring, except for Jonathan who creeps into

his office. He shuts the door softly and goes to his gigantic

oak desk. He finds a phone number with a New York City area code

on a piece of paper. He dials.

**JONATHAN**

Yes. Mr. Luthor? My name is Jonathan

Kent...

Only the animal trophies that adorn Jonathan's office hear the

rest of the conversation.

**LOIS'S ROOM - DAY**

Lois wakes up. She looks over to Clark asleep on the floor

with a blanket and a pillow. She stares maybe a beat too long,

before there is a KNOCK on the door.

**LOIS**

Who is it?

**MARTHA (O.S.)**

It's me dear. I made you two breakfast in

bed. Can I come in?

**LOIS**

**(STALLING)**

Uh, sure. Just a second.

Lois can't yell at Clark, so she throws a model wooden

sailboat to wake him up. She hits him in the head.

**CLARK**

What the...

**LOIS**

**(MOUTHING)**

Your mother.

Clark jumps up and replaces cushions and hides signs of his

makeshift bed. He finishes quickly, hops in the bed, and puts

his arm around Lois.

**CLARK**

Come on in mom!

Martha enters with a tray of pastries, fruit and coffee.

CLARK (cont'd)

Ah mom, you made your cinnamon rolls.

**MARTHA**

Well, it's your special day.

Martha smiles, puts down the tray on a bedside table and sits on

the edge of the bed. She is buzzing with excitement.

MARTHA (cont'd)

You two need your energy, so eat up. We've

got your dress fitting, have to get the

house ready, and then your wedding.

**CLARK**

I gotta run into town to get Lois a new

phone.

**MARTHA**

Will you pick up some champagne while you're

there?

**CLARK**

No problem.

**MARTHA**

And don't be gone for too long. Lots of

work to be done!

**LOIS**

You don't have to go to all this trouble.

Really.

Martha sweetly looks back at Lois.

**MARTHA**

Don't be silly. This is the biggest day of

your life. You are coming into this family,

and when it's family, it's no trouble. If

your parents were with us, they would do the

exact same.

Martha leaves and Lois smiles as the door closes. Clark

jumps out of bed and goes to the food.

**LOIS**

**(TOUCHED)**

Your mom is just so sweet. I haven't had

someone make me breakfast in bed since I was

a little kid.

Clark takes a huge bite of cinnamon roll.

**CLARK**

(mouth full)

I wish she hadn't. I mean she almost caught

us. Damn, that was close.

Like a pig in shit, Clark continues to dig in and doesn't pay

attention to Lois.

**LOIS**

You just take all this for granted? Your

family, this house...

Clark takes another big bite and turns to Lois.

**CLARK**

(mouth full)

I'm sorry, what? You gotta try these.

Lois looks at Clark with disgust.

**LOIS**

Why are you doing this to them?

**CLARK**

Huh?

**LOIS**

Why am I here? You didn't have to bring me

here.

**CLARK**

You made me bring you here! You told me so.

**LOIS**

I didn't make you do anything. You could of

said no.

**CLARK**

And what? Start over at the bottom again?

No way.

**LOIS**

I get why a not rich person would do this.

But you've got everything. It doesn't make

any sense.

**CLARK**

Know what? This is none of your business.

**LOIS**

I wish it wasn't my business. But

unfortunately, it has become my business,

because I made a deal with someone I thought

I could trust.

Clark stares at Lois for a beat. He's exasperated.

**CLARK**

You wanna know why you're here? I'll show

you why you're here.

**LOIS**

Fine.

**CLARK**

We leave in a half hour.

**LOIS**

I'll be ready in 20 minutes.

Lois angrily takes a bite of a cinnamon roll and slams it

down on the plate. She goes to her suitcase and looks for

clothes. A beat passes, and she comes back to the rolls.

LOIS (cont'd)

These are really good.

She takes a cinnamon roll and leaves.

**EXT. KENT DOCK - DAY**

Clark and Lois board the yacht. They wear athletic clothes

and running shoes.

**EXT. BOAT - DAY**

Clark drives the yacht and Lois sits by herself.

**KENT SEAFOODS PIER - DAY**

Clark docks the boat at the Kent Seafood pier. Located in

the town's harbor, the packing plant consists of three large

warehouses, and buzzes with activity. Fishing boats line the

pier, unload their fish, and forklifts take the fish to be

processed. Everything is clean and organized.

Clark and Lois walk down the pier. He points to the SEALS

that swim everywhere and eat fish scraps. Damn, they're cute.

Clark waves hello to WORKERS. An elderly Phillipino man, BEK

BEK, yells at them as he walks into a warehouse.

**JOR-EL**

Hey, Clark! That the lucky lady?

**CLARK**

Yes sir, it is!

**JOR-EL**

(to Lois)

You look much younger than everyone says.

**LOIS**

That's great to hear.

**CLARK**

See ya on the line, Jor-el.

**LOCKER ROOM - DAY**

Clark opens a locker and points. We don't see what it is.

**CLARK**

Put this on. I'll meet you outside.

**LOIS**

But I don't...

**CLARK**

Ah. Put it on.

**LOCKER ROOM - DAY**

Lois opens the door with a sour look on her face. She's

wearing large green hip waders with suspenders, rubber fishing

boots, and gloves.

**LOIS**

Is this really necessary?

**CLARK**

You'll Thanks me later.

Clark walks towards the warehouse. Lois follows in her

**SLIME LINE - DAY**

Inside one of the brightly lit warehouses, workers at different

stations process the fish that come off the boats.

At the top of the line, Jor-el is HANDCUFFED to the head

decapitator machine. He happily feeds whole salmon into a

guillotine, where the heads are chopped off. He awkwardly waves

when he sees Lois and Clark.

**LOIS**

Why is he handcuffed to the machine?

**CLARK**

So his hands don't go too far. So he

doesn't...

Clark makes a chopping motion. Lois winces.

**LOIS**

Nice.

From the decapitator, fish are fed into the gut puller, where

their bellies are slit and the intestines are pulled out.

LOIS (cont'd)

You know, I shouldn't be here. I was a

vegetarian for six months in college.

Clark leads Lois to the end of slime line, where a long

line of 20 workers give the fish a final cleaning before they are

frozen. With great speed, they take the fish from the gut puller

line and clean out all the left over intestines.

**WORKER**

There he is! Big city boy come to show us

how its done.

**CLARK**

Ah, it's been a while.

**WORKER**

C'mon. Show her how we do it.

**CLARK**

Okay, okay.

Clark and Lois go to the end of the line. Clark expertly

demonstrates with a knife.

CLARK (cont'd)

You grab a fish, but be gentle, cause you

don't want to bruise it. Open her up, tilt

the knife, and then pull with the grain of

the fish. Two quick stokes to clear the

organs attached to the spine.

Lois looks nauseous. Clark enjoys her discomfort.

CLARK (cont'd)

Then use the tip of the knife to squeeze the

blood out of the vein. Then send her down

the line.

Clark guts another fish with precision and speed before

offering a knife to Lois.

CLARK (cont'd)

Wanna try it?

Lois doesn't say anything. All the other workers watch.

CLARK (cont'd)

If it's too gross for you...

**LOIS**

Gimme that.

Up to the challenge, she takes the knife and grabs a fish.

Lois puts the knife in and keeps as much distance as possible

between her and the salmon.

**CLARK**

I did this for five summers. Dad wanted me

to earn my stripes before I took over.

**LOIS**

Is that why you're still pissed at him?

**CLARK**

Nah, I loved it here.

**LOIS**

(re: fish guts)

You loved this?

**CLARK**

The slime line? Hell no. Nobody loves the

slime line. I loved this place. The

people. Growing up, running this place was

all I wanted.

Lois scrapes a huge glop of guts out of a fish.

**LOIS**

**(DISGUSTED)**

You wanted this?

**CLARK**

I wanted to run this place. It was

comfortable here. It was what I knew.

(re: fish)

Don't forget the spine.

**LOIS**

I wasn't gonna forget.

Lois squeezes the blood out of the vein, sends the fish on

its way, and grabs another fish with more confidence.

**CLARK**

But then things changed. And it wasn't so

comfortable anymore.

**LOIS**

What kind of things changed?

**CLARK**

Stuff.

**LOIS**

(as if she didn't know)

You mean, like, Chloe?

**CLARK**

Yeah...

Clark stops, he can tell Lois knows something.

CLARK (cont'd)

Oh my god. She told you didn't she?

**LOIS**

**(INNOCENT)**

Told me what?

Clark is embarrassed. He turns away.

**CLARK**

About the... you know.

**LOIS**

The creepy teenage proposal?

**CLARK**

Ah, shit!

**LOIS**

You were a freak by the way.

**CLARK**

OK, get it all out.

**LOIS**

And she was right to break up with you.

**CLARK**

You done?

Lois nods yes.

CLARK (cont'd)

I know now that it was the right thing, but

it screwed me up for a little while.

**LOIS**

For a little while? Don't sell yourself

short.

**CLARK**

When Chlo crushed my heart into little

pieces, a life up here didn't seem so great

anymore.

**LOIS**

So you moved to the open arms of New York

City?

**CLARK**

At first it was about getting as far away

from this place as possible, but then I fell

in love with it.

**LOIS**

With scheduling my pilates?

**CLARK**

With editing. See, as an only kid I'd

always read a lot, but until I worked for

you I didn't love it. I mean, when I

realized that we could find the next

Cuckoo's Nest, or Catch 22, or...

**LOIS**

(with reverence)

...To Kill a Mockingbird. It's all about To

Kill a Mockingbird.

**CLARK**

Exactly! We could find the next To Kill a

Mockingbird. God damn, how great is that?

Lois smiles. She never knew that Clark had this kind of

passion for the job.

CLARK (cont'd)

So when I tell my folks that I want to spend

my life finding books? My dad goes ape

shit. "How dare you forsake your family...

you'll come crawling back to us... you're

nothing without our help." I left that

night and we didn't talk for a year.

Haven't been back here since.

**LOIS**

So we're "getting married" so you can give

daddy the finger?

**CLARK**

No.

Lois gives Clark a disbelieving look.

CLARK (cont'd)

Sorta. OK, Yes. Coming back here with

you... I get the promotion and I get to

show off. You're editor in chief. You make

a good prop.

**LOIS**

**(SMILING)**

I guess that's a compliment.

**CLARK**

So now you know I'm a petty asshole. Am I

trustworthy again?

**LOIS**

Oh yeah, we're good. By the way, you're

more screwed up than I am, Kent.

**CLARK**

Yeah. Thanks.

**LOIS**

One more question...

**CLARK**

Yes, everyone at work thinks you're a

lesbian.

**LOIS**

That wasn't my question.

**CLARK**

I know. Just lashing out.

Lois smiles.

**LOIS**

Can we stop gutting fish? I need my phone.

**SITKA GENERAL STORE - DAY**

Clark and Lois enter the well appointed general store,

filled with food, booze and electronics. A mini Wal Mart.

**CLARK**

Hey Jimmy.

**JIMMY**

Hey Clark. Hola mi amo.

Lois recognizes Jimmy, the male dancer from last night.

**LOIS**

**(EMBARRASSED)**

Hey.

They walk a few steps, and before Lois can say a word.

LOIS (cont'd)

You know him?

**CLARK**

He was my shop teacher.

**LOIS**

Of course he was. How many people are on

this island?

They start to fill their cart with cases of champagne.

**CLARK**

Like eight thousand? Depends on the time of

the year.

**LOIS**

Feels smaller.

With the cart full they head to the checkout.

**CLARK**

(to Jimmy)

You got the phone I called about?

**JIMMY**

Charged up, ready to go, number changed.

Jimmy throws Clark a phone.

**CLARK**

Thanks, Jimmy.

**JIMMY**

No problem.

Jimmy gives Lois a flirty wave. She awkwardly waves back.

Clark pushes the cart out the front door and does not pay.

Lois is confused.

**SITKA GENERAL STORE - DAY - CONTINUOUS**

Clark keeps pushing the cart, Lois catches up.

**LOIS**

Why's Jimmy letting you steal his stuff?

**CLARK**

It's our stuff.

Clark points to the "Kent General Store" sign.

**LOIS**

That must have been handy in High School.

**CLARK**

You have no idea.

**LOIS**

Should you leave the cart?

**CLARK**

It's our cart. I didn't know you were such

a prude.

**LOIS**

I've come to realize that being my assistant

gave you more access to my life than I ever

imagined, but there are a few things you

don't know about me.

**CLARK**

I doubt it. When I started, you were still

wearing those Ugg boot things.

**LOIS**

(deadly serious)

I told you never to talk about that.

**CLARK**

I'm just saying it's been a long time. I

know it all.

Lois turns on her new phone. It searches for a signal.

**LOIS**

(up to the challenge)

Did you know I took disco lessons in the

sixth grade?

**CLARK**

Where?

**LOIS**

The Y.

**CLARK**

Lois 1, Clark 0.

**LOIS**

Uh, my first concert was Poison.

**CLARK**

At Woodstock?

**LOIS**

I won tickets on the radio and saw them at

the fair.

**CLARK**

What'd they sing again?

**LOIS**

You know.

**(SINGING)**

Every Rose has its Thorn, Just like every night has its dawn.

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song...

Clark shakes his head.

LOIS (cont'd)

Well they were good.

**CLARK**

You had a lot of rock n' roll there, Canada.

**LOIS**

I really like "The O.C.". Not fake, ha, ha

isn't it funny I like this trash. I really

like it.

**CLARK**

Wow. I'm getting shut out here.

**LOIS**

Allergic to pine nuts, and dogs.

**CLARK**

Knew that.

**LOIS**

Afraid of penguins.

**CLARK**

Huh.

**LOIS**

Haven't slept with a man in a year and a

half.

**CLARK**

Holy shit! You are a lesbian!

A MOTHER walking by with her 7 year old gives Clark a nasty

look.

CLARK (cont'd)

(to mother)

My bad.

The mother walks on. Lois is mortified and walks faster.

**LOIS**

Poison gets nothing, but that

gets a Holy shit? I've been busy!

**CLARK**

That's a really long time.

**LOIS**

That hurts coming from Mr. Magic Pants.

**CLARK**

I knew it had been slow going, but I figured

there was a booty call in there somewhere.

**LOIS**

Yeah, well, I'm not good at that.

**CLARK**

I find that hard to believe.

**LOIS**

No, not that. I'm great at that. Aces.

Top notch.

**CLARK**

I'll have to take your word for it.

**LOIS**

Yes. You will.

**CLARK**

How, exactly, do you define top notch?

Lois is smiling as she listens to a message on her phone. In

an instant, she's all business.

**LOIS**

I need a computer and the internet. Now.

**FISHERMAN'S NET INTERNET CAFE - DAY**

Designed to attract tourists, the Fisherman's Net is awash in bad

nautical props and fishing gear. A bored TEENAGE CLERK in a

PIRATE OUTFIT greets Lois and Clark.

**PIRATE**

Aye lassie, welcome to the cyber seas. Our

T-1 line is faster than a clipper ship in a

hurricane, but for now ye be needing to

scrawl your mark on this sign up sheet.

Lois looks and sees that all the computers are taken.

**LOIS**

No, no, no. I need one now. I've got a

Booker prize winning author demanding I send

him an e-mail in the next forty five minutes

explaining why he should stay with a

publishing house that "makes" him do

publicity.

The Pirate looks at Lois like she's speaking Chinese.

**PIRATE**

Arrgh...

**LOIS**

Listen to me asshole...

The Pirate looks around to make sure his boss can't hear.

**PIRATE**

Look lady. You gonna put your name down on

the list or not?

Lois is about to throttle the Pirate, when Clark pulls her

back.

**CLARK**

C'mon. I got an idea.

Clark leads Lois to the door. As they are leaving Lois

shouts out.

**LOIS**

I didn't know there were a lot of pirates in

Alaska!

**SMALLVILLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - OFFICE - DAY**

Lois sits at a computer, furiously opening her e-mail.

Clark has brought her to his elementary school, where he and

his old principal, MRS. WHITING, stand over Lois.

**MRS. WHITING**

I'm so excited about the wedding!

**CLARK**

Thanks for letting us use your computer.

**MRS. WHITING**

No problem.

(to Lois)

So what flowers are you going with?

Lois turns around annoyed, but manages to keep her cool.

**LOIS**

I'm sorry, but could I have a minute alone

**MRS. WHITING**

Oh. Sure.

**CLARK**

Show me around will you Mrs. Whiting? It's

been years.

**INT. SMALLVILLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - HALL - DAY**

Clark and Mrs. Whiting walk around the elementary school.

**MRS. WHITING**

Do you think she'll be long? I've got work

to do.

**CLARK**

She'll be out of there in two shakes.

Out of the corner of his eye, Clark catches Chloe teaching a

class of second graders. He stops transfixed.

**MRS. WHITING**

(re: Chloe)

We are so lucky to have her. Mr. Megher

really left us shorthanded when he ran off

in the middle of the school year. He's

living out in the forest now with his

wolves. Full time.

Clark hasn't heard anything that Mrs. Whiting has said. He's

hypnotized by Chloe. She looks happy teaching these kids, and

they hang on her every word.

MRS. WHITING (cont'd)

Will you excuse me? The bell is about to

ring, I need to get ready for recess.

**CLARK**

(not paying attention)

Uh, sure.

Mrs. Whiting leaves. Clark goes to the door and Chloe sees

him. Good lord can that woman smile. She waves him in.

**INSIDE THE CLASSROOM**

The kids all turn to see Clark when he opens the door.

**CHLOE**

Class, this is my old friend Clark.

**CLASS**

(all together)

Hi Clark!

**CHLOE**

Clark and I used to be in this very same

classroom together. We even had your old

teacher, Mr. Megher.

**CHILD #1**

Mr. Megher smelled like farty eggs!

The class giggles.

**CHLOE**

That's not a nice thing to say, Patrick.

The BELL RINGS. One girl gets up. Chloe eyeballs her.

CHLOE (cont'd)

Marci?

**CHILD #2**

Sorry.

The child sits back down. Chloe waits a beat.

**CHLOE**

OK, everyone is excused for recess.

All the kids pop up and head to the door. Mrs. Whiting directs

traffic outside. Clark makes his way to Chloe.

**CLARK**

Patrick's right. He did smell like eggs.

**CHLOE**

It's still not a nice thing to say. And

actually, Mr. Megher smelled like wet dog

and...

(makes smoking pot motion)

...Matanuska Thunderfuck. But let's keep

that between us.

**SMALLVILLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - OFFICE - DAY**

Lois reads over her e-mail to Oliver.

**LOIS**

**(READING)**

I give you my word as an editor and a

friend...

The door opens suddenly, and Lois SHOUTS.

LOIS (cont'd)

**(STERN)**

Five more minutes! Please!

Lois turns to find a PIG TAILED GIRL in the doorway.

Terrified. She SHRIEKS and runs off. Lois wants to

apologize, but needs to keep working.

LOIS (cont'd)

**(WEAKLY)**

Sorry.

**SMALLVILLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY**

Chloe and Clark wipe down the chalk boards together. They

are very comfortable together and have an easy rapport.

**CLARK**

Remember when Mr. Megher made us do this

after school for a week?

**CHLOE**

That was your fault.

**CLARK**

Was not!

**CHLOE**

You tried to kiss me. A girl has to defend

herself.

**CLARK**

C'mon!

(Tom Cruise in Top Gun)

I had the shot. I took it.

Chloe rolls her eyes. She's heard this a hundred times.

**CHLOE**

No Top Gun. Please.

**CLARK**

What? You loved my Top Gun.

**CHLOE**

No. You loved your Top Gun. I just smiled

and laughed like a good girlfriend.

**CLARK**

That's right. Ice... man. I am dangerous.

Clark clicks his teeth together, trying to mimic Tom Cruise.

Chloe is not impressed.

**CHLOE**

**(LAUGHING)**

Really. Stop.

**CLARK**

That cuts deep. I'll have you know that Lois loves my Top Gun.

The Talk of Lois immediately shuts Chloe down.

CLARK (cont'd)

(noticing her change in mood)

Uh, is something wrong?

**CHLOE**

No. Nothing's wrong.

**CLARK**

It's been awhile, but I can still tell when

something's wrong with you.

Chloe doesn't want to say anything.

CLARK (cont'd)

What is it? You know I hate it when you get

all quiet.

**CHLOE**

I wish there was a better way to say this.

**CLARK**

Better way to say what?

**CHLOE**

I made a huge mistake. With you. Breaking

up with you. I'm sorry.

**CLARK**

Are you apologizing for high school?

**CHLOE**

Yes.

**CLARK**

Oh, Thank God. I thought this was like,

something big.

**CHLOE**

This is something big.

**CLARK**

I coulda used this about five years ago, but

I'm all good now, promise. Thanks you for

saying that, though.

Chloe sees that Clark isn't getting her point. She pulls

herself together.

**CHLOE**

I think...

(looking down)

I want you back.

**CLARK**

**What?**

**CHLOE**

(more to herself)

Oh God, he's making me say it again.

(looking at Clark)

I want you back. Like... we should be

together. All the time.

**CLARK**

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Rewind.

**CHLOE**

I know this isn't the best time to bring

this up.

**CLARK**

**(RHETORICAL)**

My wedding day isn't the best time for you

to bring up the idea of us dating?

Clark's reaction stings, and Chloe begins to well up.

Bringing this up is very hard for her.

**CHLOE**

I'm not talking about dating! You should

move back here. We can have the life you

always talked about in High School. I'm

ready for that now.

**CLARK**

Why are you doing this?

**CHLOE**

I know that the timing here sucks. But we

are meant to be together. I know it. I

think you know it too...

**CLARK**

No, I don't. I don't know it.

Clark begins to pace. Not sure what to say. Every time he

opens his mouth, he can't find the words.

Then, from the door, an interruption.

**LOIS**

Hey guys.

Holy shit. Did Lois hear anything? Her face gives nothing

away. Chloe and Clark act like nothing just happened, but

look guilty as hell.

**CHLOE**

Oh. Hey Lois.

**CLARK**

Uh, you all done?

**LOIS**

Yeah. We'll see what he says.

**CLARK**

Great. Great.

**LOIS**

You ready to get back to the house?

**CLARK**

Uh. Yeah. Uh-huh.

**LOIS**

Well let's go. See you at the wedding,

Chloe.

Chloe just smiles.

**CHLOE**

Yeah. See you at the wedding.

**KENT DOCK - DAY**

Clark and Lois unload champagne. Clark is still thinking

about Chloe and wanting to be alone.

**LOIS**

So, what did you and Chloe talk about?

Clark lies.

**CLARK**

Nothing. About her school. The kids and

stuff. Apparently my second grade teacher

was a pot head.

**LOIS**

That was it? I was gone for awhile...

**CLARK**

(cuts her off)

Yeah. That was it. You know, I can do

this. You should really go try on the dress

for my mom.

**LOIS**

I was going to go for a run first, it's been

three days since I got out, I'm feeling

crazy.

**CLARK**

(could care less)

Whatever.

Lois isn't accustomed to Clark talking to her this way, but

doesn't push it.

**.**

**KENT TRAIL - DAY**

Lois runs at a fast pace deep in the woods. She's running

hard, muttering to herself, and working out the aggression she's

accumulated over the last thirty six hours. She's lost in her

own world, until she sees smoke, and slows to a stop.

**LOIS**

What now?

Lois follows the smoke, and hears a mysterious DRUMBEAT. She

soon discovers a tremendous bonfire by the water, and a SHAMAN

dancing around it. He is dressed in a loin cloth, and wears a

carved bear's head mask and tribal make up. His belly shakes as

he spastically moves around the fire. The Shaman sings a song

that sounds centuries old.

**SHAMAN**

Yai...takuju magaluam Ut uksu lingm ik

pifiksailiriju m 1k tuakjuk qangani

takujumagaluam Ut qangalan uarm.

Lois hides behind a tree and stares at this man in a trance.

He begins to yell at the fire and scream at the top of his lungs.

Exhausted, he stops and catches his breath. He yells out again.

SHAMAN (cont'd)

Lois, welcome!

She looks around. Maybe another Lois is in the vicinity.

SHAMAN (cont'd)

Come to me, Lois of New York.

Nope, that's her. She carefully steps out into the clearing.

SHAMAN (cont'd)

It is I, father Kent.

Sure enough, Jonathan is beneath all the make-up.

**LOIS**

What, ah, are you doing?

**JONATHAN**

My shaman Kevin told me to get out here and

clear my head. As you know, things have

been a little crazy around here. You should

join me.

**LOIS**

Ya know, I've got to get back.

**JONATHAN**

You closed minded southerners amuse me.

Never willing to leave the nest and try

**LOIS**

I'm a big fan of the nest.

Jonathan throws sand into the fire and it blazes higher.

**JONATHAN**

Dance with me! You besmirch my ways if you

deny my circle.

Worried she's going to really piss him off, Lois relents.

**LOIS**

OK, OK. I "accept your circle."

Jonathan smiles and throws more sand into the fire.

**JONATHAN**

Clear your mind and follow me.

Jonathan begins dancing slowly, contorting his body. Lois

follows, always a half step behind, and can't get into it. After

a few moments, Lois stops.

**LOIS**

I'm gonna head back.

**JONATHAN**

We're not done.

**LOIS**

I think I am.

Lois begins to leave. Jonathan calls after her.

**JONATHAN**

Lois?

Lois stops and turns around.

JONATHAN (cont'd)

I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. But

I'm making an effort here. Don't leave now.

Much to her chagrin, Lois stays. Jonathan is pleased.

JONATHAN (cont'd)

Thanks you.

(switching gears)

Yai...takuju magaluam Ut uksu lingm ik

pifiksailiriju m 1k...

Jonathan throws more sand on the fire to make it go higher and

speeds up the dance. Lois is getting better, but it is still

painfully awkward.

JONATHAN (cont'd)

...tuakjuk qangani takujumagaluam Ut

qangalan uarm.

Jonathan speeds up the dance.

JONATHAN (cont'd)

Now you.

**LOIS**

Me what?

**JONATHAN**

Chant.

**LOIS**

Chant what?

**JONATHAN**

Whatever comes out, just chant. It is the

way. You'll feel better.

**LOIS**

I can't...

**JONATHAN**

Close your eyes. Chant.

Lois and Jonathan keep dancing. Lois closes her eyes,

but can't figure out what to say.

JONATHAN (cont'd)

Chant!

**LOIS**

I don't know any chants!

**JONATHAN**

Chant!

**LOIS**

**(GUTTERAL)**

...

Looking at Lois, it's surprising she can make such a low

noise.

LOIS (cont'd)

...

**JONATHAN**

Chant!

The drum beat continues.

**LOIS**

They continue to dance, Lois is getting into it.

LOIS (cont'd)

...to the wall...

More sand. More fire.

LOIS (cont'd)

...to sweat drop down my balls...

Jonathan stops dancing. What did she say?

LOIS (cont'd)

...to all these bitches crawl...

Lois's eyes are closed, she doesn't realize that she's broken

out into a Lil John song. She continues to dance.

LOIS (cont'd)

...To all skee skee motherfucker...

Jonathan takes the bear head mask off.

LOIS (cont'd)

...all skee skee got damn...

From the trees, the moment is broken when Martha shouts out.

**MARTHA**

Jonathan!

Lois stops chanting Lil John.

**JONATHAN**

Oh Martha, I didn't do anything.

Lois sees Martha and Grandma Annie in the clearing.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Is she singing about balls?

**LOIS**

He told me I had to chant!

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Oh, you poor dear. Jonathan, you can't do

this!

(to Lois)

He's an eighth Tlingit, dear.

**MARTHA**

He does this to keep in touch with "his

people".

**JONATHAN**

Don't make fun of my heritage! And it was

helping. Don't you feel better? I feel

better.

**MARTHA**

Come on sweetie, we need to get you cleaned

up. You've got a dress to try on. And

Jonathan, put that fire out and come in and

help us with this wedding.

Jonathan turns off the boom box that was hidden in the trees and

the drum beat stops.

**JONATHAN**

Fine.

With a fire extinguisher, the bonfire comes to an end.

**KENT MASTER BEDROOM - DAY**

Martha and Annie wait outside a bathroom door in a massive master

bedroom. They talk to Lois through the door.

**MARTHA**

I am so excited. Aren't you excited?

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

This was my dress from 1929. My mother made

it by hand. Amazing how things come back

into style. How does it fit?

Lois speaks through the door.

**LOIS (O.S.)**

Just buttoning up here.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Drum roll!

Grandma and Martha enthusiastically make drum roll sounds.

Lois opens the door and smiles. She's unsure of herself, but

looks fantastic. The dress fits great, except...

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)

Your boobs are bigger than mine ever were.

**LOIS**

Yeah, it's a little snug.

**MARTHA**

Come over here.

Martha leads Lois to a mirror. Grandma Annie follows.

**LOIS**

**(ADMITTING)**

It's a lovely dress.

Martha looks at Lois, and spontaneously begins crying.

**MARTHA**

(through the tears)

You're so beautiful, and such a great match

for my Clark. I know I've just met you,

but a mother can tell. When he looks at

you, I can tell he's in love. I'm so happy

I get to share your day.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Martha, please. We've got work to do.

**MARTHA**

You're right.

Martha collects herself, then starts crying again.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

You go work downstairs, I'll finish this.

Martha tries to calm down, but can't.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)

Go!

Martha nods in agreement. Smiling from ear to ear, she leaves in

tears. Lois and Annie watch her go.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)

Had to get rid of her before I gave you

this. Don't think she woulda recovered.

Grandma Annie comes from behind and puts her arms around

Lois's neck. When she is done, a stunning blue necklace lays

on Lois's neck.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)

You needed something blue. It's silly, but

I didn't want to take any chances.

**LOIS**

It's beautiful.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

It's hematite. Alaska diamonds. The blue

ones like this are very rare. My great

grandfather gave it to my great grandmother

when they were married. They were quite a

scandal, you know. He was Russian and she

was Tlingit.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)

Back then, you had to get approval from

every person in the tribe before you got

married. It almost broke them up.

**LOIS**

How'd they stay together?

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Don't know. But I'm sure they were happy, because

none of us would be here if they weren't.

Grandma and Lois admire the necklace in the mirror.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)

I want you to have it.

This is awful news for Lois. She might as well be stealing

from Annie.

**LOIS**

No, no, no. I can't. Really.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

I don't want to hear it. It's yours.

Grandmothers like to give their stuff away

to their grandchildren. Makes us feel like

we'll always be a part of your life, even

after we're gone. Take it.

Lois puts her hand to the necklace, and for the first time

feels like a complete and total fraud.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)

Are you feeling all right, dear?

Lois doesn't speak. Annie patiently waits for her reply.

**LOIS**

Well. Thing is...

Lois deliberates spilling her guts to Annie, but can't.

LOIS (cont'd)

...the dress is just a little tight.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Oh, don't worry about that. We've got these

seams by the arm, this'll be easy.

Annie marks up the dress with tailor's chalk.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)

We can fix this no problem.

Lois smiles, but knows that Annie couldn't be more wrong.

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

Clark helps WORKERS build a stage for the band. He's still in

a foul mood when Lois interrupts in a panic.

**LOIS**

We need to talk.

**CLARK**

I'm a little busy.

**LOIS**

Well I'm freaking out. I need to get away

from here. From everyone. Now.

**CLARK**

Go for another run.

**LOIS**

No! I did that. It did not help.

**CLARK**

I'm a little tired of you making demands and

me just jumping...

**LOIS**

(re: wedding stuff)

We're not going to need any of this if I

don't get out of here.

**CLARK**

OK, high maintenance. Let's go.

**KENT SPEED BOAT - DAY**

Unlike the bulky yacht, this boat is built for speed and

maneuverability. Clark starts her up.

**LOIS**

Move over, I'm driving.

Lois cuts in front of Clark and grabs the wheel.

**CLARK**

You don't know where we're going.

Lois opens up the throttle and they are off.

**LOIS**

It doesn't matter.

**ON THE OPEN OCEAN**

Lois and Clark leave everyone behind and take off for the

horizon.

As they jet up the coast away from civilization, the green trees,

blue water and wildlife (bears, puffins, moose) that inhabit the

coastline have a calming effect on both of them. In Alaska, it

doesn't take long to leave humanity behind.

Eventually, the boat travels through a channel with steep

mountain walls on either side. Although it is still warm out, an

icy beach can be seen straight ahead.

LOIS (cont'd)

Where are we?

**CLARK**

The north pole. Congratulations, we made

it.

(off Lois's look)

It's a glacier. Tracy's Arm. You better

let me take it from here.

**LOIS**

I'm fine.

**CLARK**

Oh. OK. So like me, you've navigated a lot

of glacier fields? And not died?

Lois reluctantly moves aside and lets Clark steer.

CLARK (cont'd)

Lady, you've got issues.

**LOIS**

Yeah. I'm a control freak. Fine.

**CLARK**

It doesn't stop there.

**LOIS**

This coming from the sociopath.

**CLARK**

Oh, please.

**LOIS**

I'd never bring me here.

**CLARK**

You drove!

**LOIS**

I mean to Alaska.

**CLARK**

Are you kidding me?

Clark pulls next to the glacier and turns off the engine.

**LOIS**

You're sick. Doing this to them.

**CLARK**

I explained to you...

**LOIS**

They love you. Do you get that?

**CLARK**

Of course.

**LOIS**

And you're still willing to lie to them?

**CLARK**

Like you didn't know.

**LOIS**

Didn't know what?

**CLARK**

That we were going to lie to them.

**LOIS**

I didn't know!

**CLARK**

Well that makes you either stupid, or

ignorant.

**LOIS**

You think I'm stupid?

**CLARK**

No, but what's behind door number two...

**LOIS**

**(SCREAMS)**

I forgot! OK? I forgot!

**CLARK**

Forgot what?

**LOIS**

What it was like!

**CLARK**

What what was like?

**LOIS**

To have a family! I forgot what it was like

to have a family. I've been on my own since

I was thirteen, and I'd forgot what it was

like to have people that love you, and make

you breakfast, and give you necklaces...

Suddenly, Lois has a hard time speaking and is short of

breath. She goes to the side of the speed boat.

LOIS (cont'd)

I'm going to take a walk.

**CLARK**

We need to head back...

**LOIS**

Alone. I need alone time.

**CLARK**

What?

Lois looks at Clark with a scared and confused look.

**LOIS**

I'm, uh, about to lose my shit. Big time.

I need a second.

**CLARK**

But...

**LOIS**

**(PANICKED)**

Stop right there!

Clark puts up his hands in surrender and stays put.

LOIS (cont'd)

I'm going to be over there. Away from you.

Just sit down, turn around, and act like

you're not here.

Clark goes to speak, but Lois motions for him to sit down

and turn around. He does. Lois gets off the boat and walks

away from him on the glacier.

**ON THE GLACIER**

Lois tries diaphragmatic breathing to calm down.

LOIS (cont'd)

(manic, to herself)

You can do this. Couple more hours, and

then you'll never see these people again.

Eventually you'll write a letter.

Apologize. Send the necklace back.

**CLARK**

(from the boat)

Lois!

**LOIS**

No talking!

**CLARK**

(from the boat)

Watch your step, OK? It can be dangerous.

**LOIS**

Again, you're not supposed to be...

Lois doesn't finish her sentence.

**ON THE BOAT**

Clark sits with his back turned to Lois, waiting for her

reply. He doesn't hear anything. That's weird.

**CLARK**

(back still turned)

Lois?

Clark turns around and looks for Lois. He doesn't see her.

He gets out of the boat and goes onto the glacier, walking in the

direction he last saw Lois.

CLARK (cont'd)

Lois? I know I'm breaking "the rules"

here, but where are you?

He takes one more step before he hears...

**LOIS (O.S.)**

**(YELLING)**

Clark! Help!

Clark still can't see her, but runs in the direction of her

voice. He soon rounds a mound of ice and sees that -

Lois's been swallowed by the ice. Her upper torso sticks out

of the glacier, held up by her arms. Her eyes are wide, and

she's almost hyperventilating. It's a bizarre sight.

LOIS (cont'd)

Oh, Thanks God!

Clark tries to control himself, but BURSTS OUT LAUGHING.

Lois is really scared.

LOIS (cont'd)

Wh-, wh-, why are you laughing?

**CLARK**

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just relax. I'll

get you out of there. You've broken through

an ice bridge. It happens all the time. No

biggie.

**LOIS**

Don't do that.

**CLARK**

Don't do what?

**LOIS**

The thing that doctors do in E.R. when they

tell the gunshot victim who is bleeding to

death that they're going to be OK. Don't do

that!

**CLARK**

It's not like that. Really. We do need to

be careful here though, I don't want us both

to fall in. Stay still, OK?

**LOIS**

Uh-huh.

Clark is ten feet away from Lois now. He's checking the

ice to see if it is stable. He slowly walks her way.

**CLARK**

So, I'm going to walk up to you and very

slowly pull you out. OK?

**LOIS**

I'm really cold.

**CLARK**

Yeah, that's normal when you're surrounded

by ice.

**LOIS**

(makes sense)

**OK.**

Clark stands over a stuck Lois, whose head just comes up to

his knee. He calmly looks down on her.

**CLARK**

So I'm going to pull you up by your armpits.

I'm probably going to touch boob. But don't

freak out.

Lois shakes her head yes. Clark reaches down and slowly

lifts her out of the ice. Lois doesn't say a word.

CLARK (cont'd)

When I get you all the way out, I need you

to hold onto me. I'm going to carry you

over there.

Lois nods yes as she puts her arms around Clark. He's

strong, so it isn't difficult for him to slowly carry her "over

the threshold" style, away from the hole in the ice. He speaks

once they're safe.

CLARK (cont'd)

I've, uh, never done that before.

**LOIS**

You said it was "no biggie".

**CLARK**

Yeah. Well. You OK?

**LOIS**

Yeah. I'm fine.

Clark smiles. Lois smiles back.

Clark walks very comfortably with her in his arms. She fits

just right. Lois looks up to Clark gratefully.

LOIS (cont'd)

**(SMILING)**

You shouldn't of laughed at me.

**CLARK**

You woulda laughed at me.

**LOIS**

Yeah. While I was getting my camera.

The two stare at each other for a beat. There's a real spark.

They might kiss. Lois touches his face and loves the warmth it brings against her hand. They share moment and just when Clark begins to lend forward he thinks of Chloe words.

**CLARK**

Chloe wants me back.

Whoah. Not what she was expecting. She looks down.

**LOIS**

And?

**CLARK**

Well. It seemed like you were having...

second thoughts.

**LOIS**

Yeah. I was.

**CLARK**

Maybe we should do it. Come clean.

**LOIS**

Put me down.

Clark puts Lois down near the boat. She tries to regain

her composure.

LOIS (cont'd)

You wanna call it off?

**CLARK**

If you do.

**LOIS**

Fine. It's over. We'll tell them when we

get back.

**ON THE BOAT**

Lois sits hunched over with a blanket wrapped around her.

Clark drives the boat. They don't talk.

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

Clark and Lois walk towards the house, which looms above

them as they prepare to deliver the news that they aren't getting

married. The front door opens, and Jonathan comes outside in a

hurry. He's clearly been waiting.

**JONATHAN**

Come with me.

**CLARK**

Where's mom, dad? We all need to talk.

**JONATHAN**

Not now. C'mon.

Clark and Lois look at each other, not sure what to do.

Jonathan storms off and they follow.

**KENT GUESTHOUSE - DAY**

Clark, Lois and Jonathan arrive at the door to the

guesthouse. Jonathan stops before they go in.

**JONATHAN**

(to Clark)

I haven't told your mother about any of

this, and I don't plan to.

(to Lois)

I was really beginning to like you. Sorry

about this.

Jonathan opens the door and goes inside.

**INSIDE THE GUESTHOUSE**

The guesthouse has been converted into a squash court. In the

middle of the court, a man patiently sits on a metal folding

chair. It's Luthor. He smiles.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Hey there kids. Good to see ya!

**CLARK**

(to Dad)

What did you do?

Jonathan doesn't answer. He's not proud of himself.

CLARK (cont'd)

(getting angry)

What did you do, dad?

**JONATHAN**

I called him yesterday. He told me that you

were lying, and that he was going to catch

you. That he was going to send you to

prison.

**MR. LUTHOR**

(to Clark)

We made a deal and dad here flew me up. Now

you tell the truth, and get off scott free.

It's like it never happened for you.

**CLARK**

You made a deal with him? On my behalf?

**JONATHAN**

You were making a mistake...

**CLARK**

That's none of your business.

**LOIS**

It's fine.

**CLARK**

The hell it is. It is not fine!

**MR. LUTHOR**

Oh quack, quack, quack. Just tell me what

really happened, and I'll be on my way. No

one gets hurt, we all get what we want.

Lois takes Clark's hand.

**LOIS**

It's OK. Tell him.

**CLARK**

(to Jonathan)

You do not get to make this decision. This

is my decision.

(to Luthor)

The truth is... I've been working for

Lois for three years. Six months ago we

started dating. I recently asked her to

marry me, and she said yes. See you both at the Wedding.

**JONATHAN**

What are you doing, Clark?

**CLARK**

(grabs Lois's hand)

Come on, we gotta get ready.

Lois and Clark storm out of the squash court.

**KENT ESTATE - DAY - CONTINUOUS**

The couple walks briskly to the house.

**CLARK**

What was I thinking? They act like they're

nice, but really, they're evil.

**LOIS**

He's only doing it because he loves you.

**CLARK**

Are you defending him? Are you defending

the king dick?

**LOIS**

Just stop. Think about this.

**CLARK**

Oh, I've thought about it. And know what I

think? I think you saved my life. Thanks

you, Lois. Getting married to you is

the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Without this, I might've ended up back here.

Up at the house, Martha opens the door.

**MARTHA**

There you are! You two almost gave me a

heart attack. C'mon, get dressed!

**CLARK**

Coming mom!

(to Lois)

Time to sack up.

Clark winks and goes inside. Lois follows, not sure.

**THE WEDDING MONTAGE**

- Chairs are set up outside.

- Guests arrive via boat.

- Clark stands on the deck, wearing his tuxedo. Chloe

arrives for the wedding, and they lock eyes. Clark waves hello

and mouths "Sorry." He goes back inside.

- Jonathan sits in his bedroom and watches TV. He's not dressed

for the wedding yet. Martha shakes her head at him in the mirror

as she puts on her ear rings.

- Luthor eats every hors d'oeuvre that's offered to him.

**LOIS'S ROOM - DAY**

Grandma knocks on the door and comes inside. We see Lois

from head to toe. The dress, veil and flowers look amazing.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

If I were one to brag, I'd say that dress is

perfect.

**LOIS**

Matches the shoes.

Lois pulls up the dress to reveal running sneakers.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Those'll be your best friend. Wedding shoes

stink. You ready?

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

With the ocean in the background, 200 GUESTS sit in white chairs.

Clark stands under a gazebo, and smiles at his mother in the

front row. He ignores Jonathan.

Chloe sits nearby, next to Luthor.

From the gazebo, Clark nods at a GROUP OF CELLO PLAYERS, who

begin playing from downloaded sheet music that reads "Poison, Every Rose Has its Thorn". Heads turn with the start of the music, to

see Annie walk Lois down the aisle.

When Lois recognizes the song, she smiles.

**LOIS**

(mouthing to Clark)

Nice song.

Clark shrugs his shoulders.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

Is that your song, dear?

**LOIS**

I guess so.

Lois and Annie stop at the end of the aisle. Looking up,

Lois sees the justice of the peace, Jimmy. (Yes, the same

guy from the liquor store and the strip club.)

**JIMMY**

It's me, Jimmy.

Lois gives Annie a kiss, and then turns to Clark. They

whisper while they walk up to Jimmy.

**CLARK**

You look gorgeous.

**LOIS**

**(SMILING)**

You look disgusting.

**CLARK**

So, is this what you dreamed of when you

were a little girl?

**LOIS**

Oh, you bet.

They make it to the Gazebo, where Jimmy awaits.

LOIS (cont'd)

Jimmy.

**JIMMY**

**(QUIETLY)**

Mi amo.

(To the crowd)

We are gathered here today to celebrate one

of life's greatest moments. To give

recognition to the beauty, honesty, and

unselfish ways...

Lois looks at Clark on the word "unselfish," but he's

looking straight ahead, determined to get through this.

JIMMY (cont'd)

...of Clark and Lois's true love...

"True Love" gets Lois as well, although no one in the

audience notices.

JIMMY (cont'd)

...before their family and friends.

"Family and Friends" gets a reaction out of Chloe and

Jonathan. She purses her lips. He holds on to his chair in

order to keep himself seated.

JIMMY (cont'd)

For it is family and friends who taught

Clark and Lois to love, so it is only

right that family and friends all celebrate

that love here today.

JIMMY (cont'd)

And if there is anyone who has cause why

this couple should not be united in marriage

and love, they must speak now or forever

hold their peace.

Luthor stays quiet. Jonathan takes a tug from a flask.

Jimmy is about to continue, but something gets his attention.

He's not sure what to do.

JIMMY (cont'd)

Mi amo, do you have a question?

We reveal that Lois has her hand halfway up, eyes squinted

shut like the new kid in class not sure of herself.

**LOIS**

No.

**JIMMY**

Then why is your hand up?

**LOIS**

I have something to say. It's not a

question though.

**JIMMY**

Can it wait til after?

**LOIS**

Uh. Um. No.

**CLARK**

What are you doing?

Lois gathers herself and turns around to the crowd. They

stare back, unsure what to make of this foreigner.

**LOIS**

Hey there, folks. Thanks for coming out.

I've got a little announcement to make about

the "wedding."

**CLARK**

Don't do this.

Lois smiles and squeezes Clark's hand.

**LOIS**

Not sure the best way to tell you all this.

But, uh... I made Clark marry me. This is

all a sham.

Luthor victoriously pumps his fist in the air.

LOIS (cont'd)

I was going to get kicked out of the country

- so I told Clark that I would destroy

his career if he didn't marry me.

**CLARK**

Now wait...

**LOIS**

Clark. Please. Let me finish.

(to the Kent family)

Clark wanted to stop this when we got off

the plane, but I wouldn't let him. Don't

blame him. This is all my fault.

(to Jimmy)

Could you get the band started? And give

these people something to drink.

(to Luthor)

And you. Meet me at your dingy in ten,

you're taking me to the airport.

**MR. LUTHOR**

You got it!

Lois nods, hands Clark the bouquet, and confidently walks

back up the aisle with all eyes on her. She stops when she gets

to Chloe and leans down.

**LOIS**

Take care of him.

**CHLOE**

Promise.

Lois walks back into the house. Alone.

**LOIS'S ROOM - DAY**

Lois's wedding dress is laid out on the bed. Her bag is

packed. Clark knocks and comes in. Lois is on the phone.

**LOIS**

(unenthusiastically to phone)

Uh-huh. Yeah. That's great Oliver. Good

news. Talk to you on Monday.

Lois hangs up.

**CLARK**

So Oliver's back in?

Lois nods distractedly. Getting Oliver to do the publicity

tour doesn't mean much right now.

**LOIS**

Yup. He's in. For now.

**CLARK**

Maybe this'll be your Mockingbird?

**LOIS**

Yeah. Right.

Lois starts collecting her bags.

**CLARK**

Great exit back there.

**LOIS**

Thanks. Fun weekend.

**CLARK**

Same old, same old, around here.

**LOIS**

Wasn't sure if your mom would want me to

strip the sheets, so I just left them.

**CLARK**

I'll let her know.

**(BEAT)**

Why did you tell them all that?

**LOIS**

It was getting too messy. We weren't going

to be able to keep it up.

**CLARK**

Don't start lying to me now.

Lois stops for a moment.

**LOIS**

I heard you and Chloe at the school. I

think she meant what she said. She's a

great girl, you should stay. It's the right

thing. You're perfect for each other.

**CLARK**

But... but what about you? What are you

gonna do?

Lois wants to keep the conversation short.

**LOIS**

Don't worry about me. I'll survive.

**CLARK**

So what? This is it?

**LOIS**

Yup. This is it.

Lois walks to the door, but stops. She turns to Clark.

Despite her best effort to act cold, she can't help herself.

LOIS (cont'd)

**(SINCERE)**

Have an amazing life, OK? You're a good

person. You deserve it.

She puts out her hand, and Clark shakes it. It's electric, but

Lois denies it.

LOIS (cont'd)

Goodbye, Clark.

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

Lois walks down to the dock carrying her suitcase. She can

hear that the party is in full swing and smiles.

**BOAT - DAY**

Luthor drives his little speedboat and Lois holds her

suitcase tight. It's choppy, and the outboard motor is loud.

The two have to yell to talk.

**MR. LUTHOR**

I want you to say the words.

**LOIS**

I'm not doing great in the dignity

department, can we not do this right now?

**MR. LUTHOR**

Say it.

Lois closes her eyes. Hating that it's come to this.

**LOIS**

I'll publish your book.

Luthor smiles.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Now was that so hard?

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

Clark sits by himself and finishes a beer by the shore.

Chloe walks up to him, looking fabulous, with two more beers.

**CHLOE**

So here's the deal. I'm going to have a

million questions for you tomorrow...

Chloe sits down next to Clark.

CHLOE (cont'd)

...but for now I thought we'd just sit here

and drink beer. OK?

Clark nods. Chloe hands him a beer.

**CLARK**

Thanks.

Clark Thanks her with a kiss on the cheek. Then, realizing

where and who he is with, he puts his beer down. He turns to

Chloe again with a determined look, gives her a kiss on the

lips, then follows it up with an even bigger kiss.

When they finish, Chloe is grinning, eyes closed.

Clark looks worried. Something is wrong.

**CHLOE**

You have been practicing.

**CLARK**

Waddya mean?

**CHLOE**

Well. Lois told me that you, uh, turned

into bit of a man whore down there.

Clark looks down. A bit ashamed. Chloe makes light.

CHLOE (cont'd)

You're gonna have to put that in check if

you move back. Cause me and Lana Lang are

the only two real options up here... and

I'll kick that bitch's ass.

Clark gives her a polite smile. He's not really in the mood to

joke. Chloe notices.

CHLOE (cont'd)

So no jokes yet? Too soon?

**CLARK**

I'm sorry. I'm just a little... confused.

**CHLOE**

That kiss didn't seem "confused."

Clark takes a beat to collect himself.

**CLARK**

You're amazing, Chlo. And I've thought

about being with you for a long time. A

long time. When you said those things at

the school? I've dreamed about hearing you

say those things.

CLARK (cont'd)

But as crazy as this seems. I know now...

that we're just not meant to be.

Chloe pulls back like she's been punched.

CLARK (cont'd)

Thing is... when I said goodbye to Lois?

I felt sick. For the three years we worked

together, I wanted to be as far away from

her as possible. But now that she's gone?

I'm just really... sad. I want her with me.

What is that?

The question hangs in the air.

**CHLOE**

I don't know.

**CLARK**

I think I have to find out.

**CHLOE**

Find out what?

**CLARK**

If she feels the same way.

Chloe begins to tear up, but won't let herself cry.

**CHLOE**

Well. OK then. What's a girl gonna do?

(voice cracking)

I guess you want who you want.

Chloe gives a melancholy smile.

**CLARK**

I'm so sorry.

**(BEAT)**

But, I gotta go.

**CHLOE**

Uh-huh.

Clark gets up.

**CLARK**

Are you OK?

**CHLOE**

I'm fine. Really. Go.

Chloe nods her approval and Clark runs off to the party.

**KENT ESTATE - PARTY - DAY**

Martha, Jonathan and Annie sit at a table next to the bar,

dumbstruck looks on their faces. Jimmy mixes drinks and flips

bottles. Clark runs up to them all, looking excited.

**JONATHAN**

What are you so God damn happy about?

**CLARK**

What? Oh. Well, I'm, uh, going to see

Lois.

**JONATHAN**

What?

**MARTHA**

She violated you. We should report her Clark.

**CLARK**

Who you gonna report her to, mom?

**MARTHA**

Oh my God. He's got the Stockholm syndrome.

**CLARK**

I don't have the Stockholm syndrome. And

she didn't violate me.

**MARTHA**

What is going on, Clark?

Clark slows down and explains to his mom.

**CLARK**

I'm sorry I lied to you. That was an awful

thing to do. But it took this weekend for

me to see how funny, and screwed up and

perfect Lois is for me. I think

she's... the one.

**MARTHA**

But you already thought she was the one.

**CLARK**

No, I didn't. Not until she left.

**MARTHA**

Really? Does she think that too?

**CLARK**

I don't know. I've got to get to the

airport to find out.

Martha doesn't say anything, then breaks into a smile.

**MARTHA**

(so romantic)

He's going to stop her from leaving! At the

airport!

**CLARK**

But I gotta hurry. Her plane leaves any

second. I might not make it.

**MARTHA**

(so romantic)

He's not sure he's going to make it!

**JONATHAN**

Are you buying this horse shit Martha?

**MARTHA**

Oh, Jonathan Shut up!

**CLARK**

I don't have time to explain this to you.

**JONATHAN**

Well then make some god-damn time. Cause I

won't let you throw your life away for some

woman.

**CLARK**

I don't care.

**JONATHAN**

Excuse me?

**CLARK**

I don't care. I love you and want you to

understand. But I'm not asking your

permission here. I'm doing this.

**JONATHAN**

Oh, really?

From behind them, Annie stands up and shouts.

**ANNIE**

Boys! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

But suddenly, a look of panic flashes across Annie's face. She

grabs the table to steady herself, but pulls the table cloth,

causing a loud crash. Jonathan and Clark run over.

**JONATHAN**

Mom, are you OK?

**ANNIE**

I'm having a... I need to go to the

hospital. Fast.

**PLANE - DAY**

Lois and Luthor board the jet together. Lois finds

her seat in first class and discovers the Handsome Man from the

flight before sitting nearby.

**HANDSOME MAN**

(re: Luthor)

Is this another gay assistant?

Lois doesn't say anything and takes her seat.

**KENT ESTATE - DAY**

TWO COAST GUARDSMAN carry Annie on a gurney to their waiting

helicopter. Jonathan, Clark, and Martha follow behind. They

all pile into a large chopper and fly off.

**COAST GUARD HELICOPTER - DAY - CONTINUOUS**

An oxygen mask covers Annie's face. Jonathan holds her hand.

Annie motions for Jonathan to come closer and he leans down.

Jonathan sits up and shouts over the helicopter noise.

**JONATHAN**

Clark! She has something she wants to say

to us!

Clark leans down, and joins Jonathan and Annie. Their three

heads are very close together. Annie speaks to them both through

the oxygen mask.

**ANNIE**

Listen to me. You two need to stop

fighting. You'll never see eye to eye, but

you're family. If this doesn't stop, one

day you'll regret it.

(to Jonathan)

Promise me you'll stand by Clark, even if

you don't agree with him.

**JONATHAN**

I... I promise.

**ANNIE**

And Clark. Promise you'll work harder to

be a part of this family.

**CLARK**

I promise, Grandma.

**ANNIE**

OK, then.

Annie closes her eyes. She looks peaceful. A moment passes.

Then suddenly Annie takes off her mask, sits up, and yells to the

pilot.

ANNIE (cont'd)

(as if nothing happened)

I'm feeling much better. I don't need to go

to the hospital. Take us to the airport,

please.

Clark and Jonathan are confused. Stunned even.

**JONATHAN**

What... what is going on?

(so the Coast Guard can't hear)

Did you fake a heart attack?

**ANNIE**

We didn't have time for your squabbling, and

I knew a helicopter would be the quickest

way to the airport. It seemed like the best

way.

**CLARK**

The best way?

**ANNIE**

And remember, you two promised me that

you're going get along. I wasn't kidding

about that.

**COAST GUARD PILOT**

Ma'am, I'm not authorized to take you to the

airport...

**ANNIE**

(to pilot)

Larry Ferris! Don't make me call your

mother!

**COAST GUARD PILOT**

Yes Ma'am

**PLANE - DAY**

Luthor talks non-stop. Lois is in hell.

**MR. LUTHOR**

...I want my book launch to be special. I'm

thinking we throw a soiree at the Nevsky

Monastery. In St. Petersberg?

Lois stares at him blankly.

MR. LUTHOR (cont'd)

(as if she should know)

Where Dostoyevsky is buried? Hello? I

thought you were a professional...

Lois closes her eyes to numb the pain.

**SITKA AIRPORT - DAY**

The helicopter lands, and Clark jumps out. His family follows

as they run to the control tower.

**AIRPORT TOWER - DAY**

CHUCK has an easy job. Jets fly into Sitka, but there are only

about six flights a day. He is half awake as he radios

Lois's flight. Reggae music plays in the background.

**CHUCK**

Flight 1601, you're clear for takeoff.

**PILOT (O.S.)**

Roger that, Chuck.

The PHONE RINGS in the tower. Chuck picks up. Intercut as

necessary, with Clark running on a cell phone.

**CHUCK**

Tower. Talk to me.

**CLARK**

Hey Chuck, it's Clark.

**CHUCK**

Hey man. Heard about your lady bailing.

How often does this happen to you?

**CLARK**

Need you to do me a solid, brother. I gotta

see my girl and she's on that flight. Could

you stop it for me?

**CHUCK**

No can do brohan. Need a good reason for

the FAA holes. Lose my jobby job if I

delivered that favor.

**CLARK**

Oh, c'mon Chuck!

**PLANE - DAY**

The plane rattles as it gains speed for takeoff. Lois

studies the safety pamphlet, trying to ignore Luthor.

**MR. LUTHOR**

...so next topic. Celebrities. Let's

invite the Bill Clinton's and leave out the

Paris Hilton's, OK?

Luthor smiles as he looks out the window and sees the plane

leave Sitka.

**TOWER - DAY**

Clark and his family stand outside the tower and watch

Lois's plane take off.

**CLARK**

Well. That's it. Once she gets back to New

York, it'll be like this never happened.

Clark looks defeated. Jonathan sees how sad his son is, and

takes a deep breath.

**JONATHAN**

So, you know I think you shouldn't be with

Lois, right?

**CLARK**

You've made that crystal clear.

**JONATHAN**

Good.

(looks at Annie)

Well, consider this me keeping my promise.

Jonathan pulls out his cell phone and hits a button. He waits

for an answer.

JONATHAN (cont'd)

(to phone)

Hey! Jones! Yeah, yeah, yeah, her

running out was something. But that's what

I'm calling about. I've got a favor to ask

you, bout one of your planes...

**PLANE - DAY**

Luthor continues to talk. Lois is in a stupor.

**MR. LUTHOR**

...you know those two hundred pages I took

out? I'm going to put them back...

A flight attendant comes to Lois and interrupts.

**FLIGHT ATTENDANT**

Ms. Lane? Would you come with me?

Lois is excited to get away from Luthor.

**LOIS**

Yes, of course.

She unbuckles her seat belt, about to get out of her seat.

**MR. LUTHOR**

What's this about?

**FLIGHT ATTENDANT**

(never done this before)

There's someone on the radio for you.

The flight attendant points to the Flight Attendant CB located at

the front of the plane, outside the cockpit.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT (cont'd)

Uh, a Clark Kent?

Lois shakes her head and re-buckles her seat belt.

**LOIS**

Tell him I'm not here.

**CUT TO:**

**TOWER - DAY**

Clark and his family are huddled around the radio in the tower.

Chuck sits nearby.

**FLIGHT ATTENDANT (O.S.)**

(from radio)

I'm sorry. She won't come talk to you.

**CLARK**

Shit! She's never going to pick up...

**CHUCK**

(to Clark)

Know what, home slice? Cut this chica

loose. You remember Lana Lang? She'd

totally be into you...

Suddenly, Clark has an idea. He picks up the hand mic.

**CLARK**

Excuse me Miss Flight Attendant, could you

ask the captain to do me one more favor...

**CUT TO:**

**PLANE - DAY**

DING! The captain comes on over the loudspeaker.

**CAPTAIN**

(over plane loudspeaker)

Welcome to flight 1601 to Seattle, this is

your captain. We've reached our cruising

altitude of 30,000 feet. Flight time'll be

three hours and thirty minutes. And

Lois? Clark has something he'd like

to say to you.

**CLARK (O.S.)**

(over loudspeaker)

Uh, hey Lois. And cause I'm on the

loudspeaker, hey everyone on the plane.

The other passengers look around to try and figure out who's

Lois. Meanwhile, Lois looks down and acts like she

doesn't know either.

CLARK (O.S.) (cont'd)

(over loudspeaker)

This certainly isn't how I wanted to do

this. I mean, I'm not really into the whole

baring your soul in front of strangers

thing, but I figure it's now or never. So

here goes.

**CUT TO:**

**TOWER - DAY**

Clark puts down the hand mic for a second to gain composure.

His family encourages him on.

**CHUCK**

You're doing great, man.

Clark pushes the button down on the hand mic.

**CLARK**

I know you're used to being on your own.

And that you're comfortable with your life

the way it is. And that in a million years

you wouldn't have thought that we should be

together. I know, because I felt the exact

same way.

**CUT TO:**

**PLANE - DAY**

Every passenger is enraptured by the words coming out of the

loudspeaker. The flight attendants, the Handsome Man, everyone.

**CLARK (O.S.)**

(over loudspeaker)

And you know what else I know? I know that

I'm tired of being alone. And I think

you're tired of being alone too. So come

on. Talk to me. Please.

The Handsome Man turns to Lois.

**HANDSOME MAN**

(with genuine concern)

Do you really feel like you're alone?

**LOIS**

Oh, good lord.

**CUT TO:**

**TOWER - DAY**

Clark and his family stare at the radio, waiting to see if

there is going to be an answer. Chuck crosses his fingers.

**LOIS (O.S.)**

(from radio)

What the hell are you doing?

Everyone in the tower smiles. They're making progress.

**CLARK**

We need to talk.

(Intercut as necessary. Lois stands at the front of the

plane with the passengers watching.)

**LOIS**

About what?

**CLARK**

Have you ever thought there might be a

reason we've been together for the last

three years?

**LOIS**

As boss and assistant.

**CLARK**

Things change, Lois.

**LOIS**

**(INCREDULOUS)**

Things change?

**CLARK**

Yeah, things change.

**LOIS**

Is that the best you got?

Jonathan hits Clark, as if to say "see, that's what I said."

Clark composes himself.

**CLARK**

Now, tell me the truth. When you left, were

you relieved or sad that we didn't have an

excuse to be together anymore?

Jonathan gives Clark the thumbs up. That was a good one.

**LOIS**

What's your point?

**CLARK**

Because I am sick that you left. And if you

feel sick too, then why shouldn't we just be

together?

Lois goes to answer, but stops. Clark is right. She wants

to go back. Even the passengers on the plane can see it.

Luthor panics.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Are you thinking about going back to him?

Lois doesn't answer.

MR. LUTHOR (cont'd)

We have a deal! You can't back out now!

The flight attendant steps in, annoyed that Luthor is trying

to break up Clark and Lois.

**FLIGHT ATTENDANT**

Sir, you need to sit down.

**MR. LUTHOR**

I will do no such thing.

**FLIGHT ATTENDANT**

Sir, I'm ordering you to return to your

seat.

Other passengers yell "sit down asshole" at Luthor.

**MR. LUTHOR**

Who said that?

**FLIGHT ATTENDANT**

Sir, this is your third and final warning!

**MR. LUTHOR**

Listen sweetheart...

(he pokes the flight attendant)

I'm a federal officer, so why don't you get

me another cocktail and mind your own...

BUZZ-ZAP! 400,000 Volts of electricity surge through

Luthor. He twitches violently and crashes to the floor.

Behind him, The Handsome Man holds a stun gun and a badge.

**HANDSOME MAN**

Well, I'm a federal Air Marshall. And

you're under arrest for disobeying a crew

member, assault, and possible intoxication.

The Handsome Man pulls out flex cuffs, zips them around

Luthor's wrists, and throws him in the bathroom. He then

takes the CB from Lois and speaks to the passengers.

HANDSOME MAN (cont'd)

Sorry everybody, but protocol says we need

to get this unruly passenger off the plane

ASAP. Sitka's the closest airport, so if

it's OK with you, I'm gonna have the captain

turn this bird around.

There are wild cheers from the passengers. Lois blushes.

HANDSOME MAN (cont'd)

(winks at Lois)

Told you I was a romantic.

**SITKA AIRPORT RUNWAY - DAY**

Flight 1601 glides to a safe landing. Clark and his family

wait on the tarmac, and the plane taxis to them. A truck drives

stairs to the front door of the plane and the door opens.

Lois steps out. Clark walks up the steps.

**LOIS**

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Clark looks Lois in the eye.

**CLARK**

But it did.

Lois looks down. A little embarrassed.

**LOIS**

I'm not the kind of girl who gets saved.

Clark smiles, and without warning, Lois grabs him, and

plants a long, deep, and wet kiss on him.

The long kiss is interrupted by the Handsome Man and Luthor.

**HANDSOME MAN**

Uh, sorry, but excuse us.

The Handsome Man leads a handcuffed and still dazed Luthor

down the steps.

**LOIS**

(to Luthor)

Hey! Do you think getting arrested might

affect you at work?

Luthor has no retort.

LOIS (cont'd)

Oh, and I'm not going to be able to publish

your book after all.

**MR. LUTHOR**

So you are getting married this weekend?

**LOIS**

**(SMILING)**

Absolutely not. But who knows?

(looking at Clark)

We might by the time you get out of jail.

Luthor makes a "go to hell" face and shuffles off.

Lois turns back to Clark. All smiles.

LOIS (cont'd)

I've got some explaining to do.

Lois and Clark walk down the steps and stand in front of

Clark's family.

LOIS (cont'd)

(to Martha)

Hi. I'm Lois. I've known your son for

years, but we've just recently begun to see

each other romantically.

(to Jonathan)

I want to get to know you all, and spend

some real time up here in Alaska.

(to Annie)

I'm not sure when you are going to see him

get married, but I promise as long as I'm

with him, he'll be happy.

Passengers cram up to the plane windows to see what will happen.

**GRANDMA ANNIE**

That's all we ever wanted.

Grandma Annie gives Lois and Clark a big hug. Martha joins

in. Then Jonathan. Passengers cheer.

**KENT ISLAND – DANCE FLOOR - DAY**

The party is in full swing.

Shelby chases his balls.

Jimmy slides onstage and SINGS with the band. He has a

beautiful voice.

Martha and Jonathan cut a rug. They've done this before.

Chloe and Annie chat and laugh at a nearby table. The

Handsome Man brings Chloe a drink. Grandma Annie winks and

leaves these two alone.

Lois and Clark dance. All smiles, even though they aren't

very good.

And as everyone dances, we track up the tallest tree on the

island, to an eagle's nest at the very top. Inside the nest,

three eaglets chirp along to the music, snuggled up to Lois's

phone.

**LOIS & CLARK'S BEDROOM - Night**

Clark carries a laughing Lois into their room. They

continue to kiss and he carries her over to the table.

He sets her down and accidentally knocks over a lamp.

**CLARK**

Ooops.

They both laugh. They kiss some more, then start to

unbutton each other's clothes. Clark struggles with

her dress.

CLARK (cont'd)

Forget this.

He picks her up again and moves to the bed. They

collapse on the bed and he accidently falls off it.

CLARK (cont'd)

Suave.

Lois cracks up. Clark reaches up and YANKS her

down on top of him. They both laugh, then kiss.

**LOIS & CLARK'S ROOM - NIGHT 74**

Lois sits at window watching Clark as he

sleeps. He slowly starts to wake and looks at her.

**LOIS**

Hi.

**CLARK**

Hi.

She walks over to him and kisses him.

CLARK (cont'd)

You alright?

**LOIS**

I'm perfect.

Was it -

**CLARK**

It was perfect.

She smiles and holds her hand out. He takes her hand in

His and pulls Lois back to the bed seductively.

They had been at it all night. Just when they thought they were tired they went another round.

**CLARK**

I guess you really are Top Notch. I'm surprise it's been more than a year.

Clark took a breather but when he looked over at Lois, she was impatiently waiting for him to get back on top.

**LOIS**

Well not everybody can get around like you Mr. I got Game. Now get over here so we can make up for three years. She quickly hopped on top of him. (Clark exhales)

Lois (cont'd)

Not tired are you?

**CLARK**

Not one part of my body is restless.

**LOIS**

Good cause you're in for the ride of your life.

They both shared a smiled, as their lives together finally began.

**THE END**


End file.
